Lack of Responsiblity or a Sense of Adventure?

For some reason I find myself reminiscing this evening. Perhaps it is being back in the US for two and a half years and that London feels like a lifetime ago. Or, that I have had so many lives, really. I've lived in so many areas of the country, so many homes, with different people, and even in a different country. Each time I reinvent myself and I wonder what I take from the past life to the new one?

Looking at my siblings and their lives - filled with children, partners and homes - and then mine, which really is more like a college student - I wonder if I am stuck in time. Is this a lucky life I lead - where I can pursue anything and everything with little accountability - or is it a life where I keep dodging responsibility? No, I am quite responsible. Three years ago I would never have expected that I would be on this journey of continuous self-discovery.

I suppose it was being sick these past few weeks that has made me think about the past, present and future. My friends are my family and my family are my friends. I live without a partner, kids, a pet, a mortgage, following whatever path interests me.

Last week I had my culinary students write out their goals and if they had a panic-zone goal, how could they bring it into the stretch-zone. One student wrote that her greatest fear is becoming the crazy cat lady who sits in a rocking chair and looks out the attic window. I wrote on her paper that I share the same panic-zone visual. It is just difficult to imagine, as I age, that I will not become more unusual and eccentric as I live for myself. Maybe that is a good thing - being my own character? Sometimes I wish I could see the future and the twists and turns that I will maneuver. But at the same time, I don't really want to know what lies ahead. Is this denial or a sense of adventure?

Every Day Do One Thing That Scares You

The title of this post is a line from the Sunscreen song off the Baz Lhurman CD. Reflecting on my regular weekly activities, I certainly do this at least once a day. Does this mean that Scary goals are now in my stretch, not panic zone?

Here's today's challenges that scared me but I conquered them:

1) Go to the Apple store, make a purchase and do not lose my cool - done!
2) Facilitate a meeting at Pro Arts with artists sharing what our organization can do for them in the next year - done!
3) Read and grade 20 student papers, providing insightful feedback - done!
4) Prepare class lessons for Executive Leadership and HR Management - done!
5) Eat chili cheese fries without clogging arteries - done!

Letting Go and Holding On

This has been a week of letting go and holding on. Seems like a reverse sequence of events, but it makes sense. In canceling my UK trip I had an unexpected feeling of "letting go". The past was suddenly in the past instead of so closely tied to the present. I took notice and realized I was feeling more settled into California and the US when I let go of my trip. My apartment became more welcoming and my my eagerness to do what is right for me became more of a drive. I had been floating down the river, still lightly tethered to the past.

Then today, in our Saturday morning yoga class with Nancy Leigh-Smith at Alameda Yoga Station, I experienced healthy holding-on. The yogis in this class are a welcoming pool of support, providing an anchor for me whenever I am lost at sea. We practiced a stretch where we held hands with a fellow classmate and stretched as far back as we could while holding our joined hands in front of us and our other (deliberately not calling it free) hand behind us. Nancy asked me to demo it with her in front of the class and I instantly felt like we were figure skating partners. It was so much fun. She kept saying, I think you can go back further, you can pull harder.

Next I practiced the stretch with a partner and while I reached my hand back, another partner team, Jeff and Andy, were right there. Jeff and I instantly clasped hands and it became a four person stretch halfway across the room. It made us laugh and smile. We looked to see if we could include more classmates but we were too far away. However, we were all connected through our grasp of California.

Taking it a Step Higher

Yesterday I reached two career goals that are taking me to the next level in my leadership evolution. These accomplishments seem sudden on one hand, but they've been years in development. Or, I've been years in development.

The first is that I have been elected as President of the Board of Pro Arts, an artist service and exhibition organization based here in Oakland. I've been involved in the organization for years - acting as a Board consultant and also as an Artist-Member. Over the past six months in particular the organization has found its footing by taking over a gallery space on the Frank H. Ogawa Plaza in Oakland's City Center. Their level of professionalism has increased and I'm impressed. Being involved in a leadership role, that is steeped in accountability, has me jazzed. I know that under the direction of Executive Director, Margo Dunlap, the organization is in good hands. We're going to make a great team - taking it to the next level.

The second is being hired on as the Interim Director of Operations and Communications for an Education Foundation based in San Francisco. This organization, which I'll identify in later a post, provides amazing college-prep programs for High School students. I've had the opportunity to participate as a volunteer over the past year. Several of my colleagues are involved in the organization and I trust them and clearly they trust me.

Both of these roles take me to the next level in my career. Now is my opportunity to utilize my leadership teaching and put it into practice. Stepping into my stretch zone in 2010 and living my dreams. Now to work on my art!

Extrovert Introverted

Yesterday I participated in an introduction session to Interplay - a movement-based, community-building vocabulary. That's a non-profit lingo way of trying to say, connecting with people through movement. My friends Theron and Elizabeth are deeply involved with the organization and I wanted to appreciate what they find so inspiring. In the process, I learned some interesting things about myself. The grand conclusion is that I love verbal communication and am not so keen on physical communication.

I met a gentleman, at the start of the session, who immediately told me that he was relieved because two of his fears were instantly dispelled: he was neither the oldest participant nor the only man. It made me realize that everyone comes to these sessions with some trepidation. For me I am comfortable when we begin organized activities that involve verbal interaction, or even listening to a presenter. But when we start doing any kind of physical interaction I clam up. In fact, we did so much interaction that my brain went into a lock-down mode. Heck, I have been taking the same yoga class with the same group of people for years and still get nervous when we have to do partner stretches.

Usually I'm super creative, highly interactive and very extroverted - I have to hold myself back from dominating the room. I'm a verbal performer. When we were asked to stand up, find a partner and touch palms I went beyond my stretch zone and nearly into panic. Panic fully hit when we had to stand in a group of four and touch fingertips "in creative ways" for about five minutes.

So, what I learned, is that I want to be able to occasionally offer a comforting touch - kind of how people reach out to you to make a point. That's something I'm not comfortable doing. But in terms of lots of extended physical communication - call me a physical introvert.

Car Vacation

While my cousin Ben is away for Thanksgiving I am watching his cats and in exchange he is lending me his car. As you know I've been back and forth about getting some kind of motorized vehicle versus living my life with my two feet and Ike the Bike.

What I've realized this week is that borrowing a car every now and then is like having a Car Vacation. I get to go far and wide to visit my friends, run errands, and get up to the hills for hiking. However, I live my daily life just fine without a car. Finding parking, paying for gas and the stress of traffic, plus the lack of exercise, are challenges I never have to think about while walking, riding my bike or taking most forms of public transportation.

This realization definitely is coming from my new approach to goal setting. Instead of thinking about all or nothing - the ultimate success and having it now - I'm having my clients, students and even myself think about shades of reaching your goal. We all know there is the "ultimate" and then we know that there is the realistic - which can be a good stretch. I'm finding that as I use this approach in my work and life, big hairbally goals that seem overwhelming can be broken down into smaller, achievable, exciting goals.

Retreat to Move Forward

The title of this post - Retreat to Move Forward - is a quote I once heard and it always sticks with me when I facilitate a retreat as I did yesterday for an arts organization. We were out in the Marin Headlands and it was the ideal setting for our session. After lunch we took a hike out to the beach and it was totally inspiring.

Prior to the hike I asked the group to think about goal setting - comfort, stretch and panic goals. As we walked I asked them to notice if there were times that they were in any of these zones and if so, what were the signs that alerted them that they were either in comfort, stretch or panic. As I hiked I realized that sometimes when I facilitate retreats I move in and out of all these zones. It is quite a challenge to facilitate an entire day, keep it flowing, finding the connections and having all the answers as to how to get un-stuck and move forward.

Thinking about this I realized that I need to figure out tactics that I have on hand to pull me back into the comfort and stretch zones in any challenging situation. All of us need these little comfort anchors - affirmations, reassurances, tools to keep us grounded in moments of panic. A friend posted on her Facebook update: To do something new you have to try something different. That's what I help my clients do when setting goals and I am going to take some time to challenge myself in the same way.









The title of this post - Retreat to Move Forward - is a quote I once heard and it always sticks with me when I facilitate a retreat as I did yesterday for an arts organization. We were out in the Marin Headlands and it was the ideal setting for our session. After lunch we took a hike out to the beach and it was totally inspiring.

Prior to the hike I asked the group to think about goal setting - comfort, stretch and panic goals. As we walked I asked them to notice if there were times that they were in any of these zones and if so, what were the signs that alerted them that they were either in comfort, stretch or panic. As I hiked I realized that sometimes when I facilitate retreats I move in and out of all these zones. It is quite a challenge to facilitate an entire day, keep it flowing, finding the connections and having all the answers as to how to get un-stuck and move forward.

Thinking about this I realized that I need to figure out tactics that I have on hand to pull me back into the comfort and stretch zones in any challenging situation. All of us need these little comfort anchors - affirmations, reassurances, tools to keep us grounded in moments of panic. A friend posted on her Facebook update: To do something new you have to try something different. That's what I help my clients do when setting goals and I am going to take some time to challenge myself in the same way.

Search for Greater Meaning

I'm still on this quest for greater meaning in my life. Yes, it is exciting that I'm forging my own path and living out loud and all that jazz but what am I working towards? Ever since returning to the States 10 months ago I've felt unsettled, like I've seen the world and I'm back in the nest.

I look around me and people are raising their kids, working to pay the mortgage, hunkering down to stay employed. That's not interesting to me and I often feel lucky that I'm free from those obligations. I have this inclination to further simplify my already simplified life and travel, teach, consult, and dig-in all over the world. Fly, land, connect, fly, land, connect...

The client projects I'm working on these days are very interesting. They challenge and stretch me to learn and teach. School is pushing me even further - both intellectually and financially (so expensive) yet again I want to be out there in the world, beyond San Francisco. Presenting the leadership course last month in the UK was spectacular. That's the kind of work that revs my engine. Now to figure out with my coach Simone how to secure more of those projects.

I keep envisioning that I have a small house or condo someplace that allows me to have all my favorite things in one place (not in storage in Houston) and that I use this as a home base. But nearly 50% of my time is invested in travel. I think this is possible. After all, this is the Year of Research and Development.

Strategic Planning for Individual Artists: From Vision to Reality

Next month I'm presenting a strategic planning workshop for the Center for Cultural Innovation.

Strategic Planning for Individual Artists: From Vision to Reality

Evolving your arts business begins with articulating goals that are ambitious, inspirational and accomplishable. You will learn how to use coaching tools that provide a foundation to the strategic planning process, keeping it grounded and solution-focused.

This workshop will cover:
Strategic planning
Mind-mapping, past, present and future
Articulating goals in your stretch zone
Using the GROW3 coaching tool to create a plan
Thinking partnerships: peer coaching

Date: Monday, April 27, 2009
Time: 6:30-9:30pm
Location: SF State, 835 Market Street, 6th floor, San Francisco, CA 94103 (next to Westfield Shopping Center, Powell Street BART/Muni stop)
Cost: $35 (BOA / CCI Members) / $40 Non-members

Don't Panic

That's my learning from this LA weekend. I totally pushed myself way beyond stretch goals into panic and despite the extremes I was able to concur all.

Vising Holly, my roommate from Sophomore year of Ithaca College was the first hurdle. We hadn't seen each other in 20 years. The funny thing is that we both still look 19 and even a bit alike with our long blond hair.

The next challenge was camping out as we prepared for our early morning ascent of Mount Baldy. I do not enjoy camping: tents, dirt, bugs, cold, no bathrooms, no light, and weird sounds, I have turned into an urban girl. But the camping also worked out.

Then the greatest challenge, climbing, for it was not hiking but actual steep climbing, Mount Baldy. Holly taught us a fantastic way to stay energized. She calls it the rest step and what you do is every five steps you rest for a moment with all your weight on your back foot. As the killer climb pushed us to our limits the five steps became my mantra. Holly kept insisting I rest but I was in a groove. Plus, if I stopped I worried I would never start again.

The climb down pushed me to my limits. The terrain is all tiny marble rocks on totally steep paths exposed to the elements. The trail was called The Devil's backbone. We climbed along the narrowest ridges with just this crazy marble surface and sometimes trees and bolders to anchor our steps. The views were both amazing and terrifying. One wrong move and you were taking the fast route down.

The final challenge was the chairlift that brought us down the final 4,000 ft. I shared a chair with Holly's friend Nancy who is my hiking hero. she proved she could climb the mountain and her strength inspired me not to be scared on the chair.

I'll post photos when I get to a computer. We're driving back to Holly and Dylan's place for showers, drinks, hot-tubbing and kabbabs...and giving my blisters some TLC.

Rewriting the Script and Changing the Anchor

Since arriving back in San Francisco I've been out on the Bay for numerous water adventures. From sailing to kayaking the experiences have been a reclamation of sorts. Prior to moving away from San Francisco in 2005 I went sailing with friends and it was the beginning of a long journey into self-doubt. When given "control" of the boat I lost my cool and freaked out. This became a negative anchor for me as I moved on to Houston and then London. How could I act that way? How could I be so weak? What did my friends think of me? All those damaging scripts being played and re-played in my head.

In the past three months I've been back out on the Bay and this time I'm craving the challenges to push my physical limits. Sailing with friends on the same boat as 2005, I took the helm and guided us in and out of the Berkeley Marina. It was like writing a new script.

Yesterday I went for a full day sea kayaking class with California Canoe and Kayak in the Oakland Estuary. I wore the wetsuit purchased at a yard sale in June on my final day in DC. It was a tight fit and left no room for figure mystery. That was brave in itself. But the most exciting challenge was stepping past my stretch zone, into the edge of my panic, to deliberately capsize in the kayak while skirted into its cockpit. In other words, I was attached to the boat, upside down in salty water.

This was actually something I had done successfully as a teenager away for the summer at adventure camp in Colorado. But as I've gotten older the experience has become more of a personal urban legend as my fears of losing control took over. Yesterday was a big step to see if I could regain that strength and confidence. I did it! And once I had done it I insisted on capsizing and practicing again and again until I was black and blue, water logged and sunburned.

During our lunch break, Paula and Tim, the instructor and other student in the course, and I had a philosophical discussion about kayaking as a metaphor for change management. Paula shared with us that kayaking is really just placing the paddle in the water and moving the boat past it to a new place. The paddle stays still and the boat moves. This is difficult to visualize unless there are unmoving objects around the paddle, such as seaweed or floating wood. Only with those obstacles nearby can you see that the paddle is anchored and the boat gliding. We shared how this was true when promoting personal or organizational evolution. Lead with a gentle touch, ever so slightly correcting the path to move past the obstacles. Strength and bravado are not necessary.

This is the powerful metaphor I use in my personal inspiration of the Sleek Yellow Kayak. Paula gave me a choice of kayaks for our course and I chose a yellow one. The kayak became an extension of myself as we moved along the water playfully. It also became my lifeline as I clung to its side while capsized in the Bay. What a tremendously positive anchor around which I write my new script.

Stretching out of your Comfort Zone without Panicking

Every hour I feel more re-connected to San Francisco. The first night was unsettling, having moved yet again. This morning I woke up feeling inspired and motivated to move into my stretch zone. The Zone System is an excellent way to work on goal building. Dewey Schott and I used it in our Personal Evolution: Peer Coaching Circles workshop at the Americans for the Arts convention in Philly last week.

I illustrate the zones as concentric circles. Comfort zone is in the center, stretch zone is the next circle out and panic zone is the furthest from the core. Here's how to think about each zone..

Comfort zone:
Living in the central circle, the core, a familiar, comfortable existence, even no taking any risks and perhaps maybe not getting any rewards - it may be comfortable but it may also be safer than stretching, but are you fulfilled? I visualize the comfort zone as being seated and perhaps evening shlumping.

Stretch zone:
Dewey calls it the breath-taking zone - moving beyond comfort and familiar in your goal setting to a more exciting, fulfilling and breath-taking place. I see this as getting out of that comfort chair and stepping behind it, moving outside that inner circle.

Panic zone:
Been there, lived that - the zone in which your goals are so overly ambitious or your situation so overwhelming and far from your comfortable core that you start to panic, shut down and run for your comfort zone.

How do you stay in the stretch without getting stuck too much in comfort and panic? Break down your goals into small accomplishable, controllable steps. Yes, keep that big picture vision and get there by seeing what actions you can take outside of your comfort zone to get you into your stretch zone.

This move to San Francisco is moving between all these zones. I keep saying to myself - you have your whole life to work towards your vision and it takes small steps to get there. I can hide in someone's spare bedroom for forever. I can have ginormous goals that put me into a panic or I can create a personal vision and take stretch zone steps to move in that direction.