New Bed Buddy

Eduardo, my traveling companion, aka my new laptop, is now spending his first night in bed with me. The blackberry use to be the last electronic I checked before bed and when I first opened my eyes in the morning. Now it is Eduardo. This habit started over the past week in DC and each morning I easily tootled away three hours typing, searching, thinking. That's how Amy's Dream Cafe was born!

Travel for Work and Pleasure

Over the past two weeks I've been living work-travel life that really suits me. Rhode Island for a conference, then DC for a family visit. A few days later travel by train to Sacramento and hotel stay with a colleague to present a training session. Later in the week an overnight out in the Marin Headlands and a retreat facilitation. Now to get some of this travel into the international arena. Plus, how to store my luggage without dragging it around all day. I'm sure there must be some secret that consultants know about storage options. Starbucks could make some money with this added service.

DC in 72 Hours

This past four days could be termed "how to do DC in 72 hours". Rene and I had a whirlwind trip, fully facilitated by my generous siblings who transported us and our luggage all around the District. Every day was packed with adventure and thankfully the weather was mostly cooperative.

We arrived in DC late on Thursday evening, delayed in the air because of thunderstorms over the airport. My sister Marlene waited patiently for us at the arrivals gate. Friday morning we were ambitiously up at 7am (4am California time) to get to the Hart Senate Building by 9am to pickup House and Senate tour tickets. Once again Marlene was our driver. We sauntered into Senator Lieberman's offices and asked if we could get a private tour with one of their interns, even though we didn't have a reservation. Sherry, the intern at the desk, suggested that we return at 2pm but she couldn't guarantee a tour. When we did return at 2pm there were two interns ready to give us a private tour. How's that for service?

After our early morning arrival at the Hart building we headed over to Teaism to meet up with my folks and cousin Tracey for breakfast. My parents were in town for a week babysitting grandson Sam-a-liscious. It was a quick cross-over visit but we managed to do some quick catching up.

Marlene, Rene and I then headed over to the National Gallery of Art west building to check out the American art and architecture. Then back we went to the Hart Senate Building for the House and Senate tour. Our two-on-two tour lasted two and a half hours. The interns Alex and Aaron were thorough in their details of architectural and historical information. It was an amazing afternoon.

In the evening we met up with Matt, Rachel and baby Sam for Jazz in the Sculpture Garden on the Mall. Unfortunately I had about one pitcher of sangria too much so the evening became quite blurry. Oh yes, summer in the city.

Saturday we managed to get out of bed at 10am. So much for an early start. Once again the sibs drove us to our destination. Rene and I took the metro into DC and visited the Renwick and Corcoran Galleries. Then we worked our way to the newly rebuilt Eastern Market to pick up sweet desserts for our BBQ dinner back at Matt and Rachel's in Maryland. The evening was spent cooking, chatting and eating.

Sunday we again got up at 10am and got a ride to the Metro. Unlike the previous two days which were mild for DC summers, Sunday was significantly more hot and humid, although nothing like Houston. We took the metro to Arlington National Cemetery where we witnessed the changing of the guard at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. Extremely impressive ceremony. At the height of our dehydration we took a cab into Alexandria, VA, wandered the streets for historic plaques and then found a fantastic seafood restaurant for brunch. With our flight leaving in three hours we met up with Marlene and Mandeep via Metro in Rosslyn. They generously took us back to the airport where we sat for three hours waiting for our delayed flight. Once in the air we had 36 channels of cable television to distract us on JetBlue as we returned to Oakland.

The Shock of Seeing Yourself

My brother Matt posted some photos of me taken during last week's visit to DC. Goodness, I look like my mom. That 40 factor is kicking-in rather quickly. Here's the best shot - me and Matt displaying our Swatches a the Easter brunch.

Heading to DC

Tonight, after my Statistics class, I'll be taking a red-eye flight to DC. Should be able to sleep well after pushing my brain to its limits. Plus, Nytol will help. This will be the first visit to see my new nephew Sam. Our family is all loved-up over the little guy. My parents and grandmothers are camping out in DC for a week to fully enjoy the Sam experience. I am thrilled to meet Sam but even more excited to hang out with my sibs.

Present, Past and Future

Last night my folks, Matt and Rachel, her mom and I went to see the new production of West Side Story at DC's National Theatre. Climbing to the third floor balcony I realized that our seats were nosebleeds. As I stepped into the theater we had a direct view of the ceiling and looked down on the lights. As this was happening I remembered a dream from a few nights ago in which the Earth was falling away from me and I was unattached, disconnected. It took my breath away. I had awakened a moment later and couldn't shake the two words: unattached and disconnected. That's how I have felt for so many years; out of control, alone, angry, and damaged.

I tried my seat and then felt the need to get up and step back against the wall. As people shuffled to their seats I continued to stand against that back wall next too a guard/usher in his red jacket. He took no notice of me until I asked if I could take an empty seat in the back row because I was concerned about the height. He shrugged his shoulders and said sure. But as the theater went dark every seat was filled except for mine. On a scale of 1 to 10 of fear I was at about a 3 which was pretty good. The guard exited the theatre and I decided to sit down on the floor. Now I was down to a 2 and I could see the performance just fine. As the music and dancing started that 2 became a 1.5 and as intermission started I was sure I could take my seat for the second half. The fact that no one was making an issue of my fear was a huge help. In the past I felt like an idiot and embarrassment to everyone around me. Not this time.

As we re-entered the theater after intermission I took my seat and my fear was now a 1. I even got up to let my mom shuffle in to her seat after she braved the endless bathroom line. There I was, in my seat, enjoying the performance without fear. That was until the gunshot in the final scene, which is my other theater snaffoo. I'll work on that next.

As we exited the theater we asked some of the staff about the sound system and lack of supertitles which we had heard would be used for the scenes acted in Spanish. Their response over and over was that this was just a preview for Broadway and they were working out the kinks. We kept responding that that was good and fine for them but for us it was a "real" night out and not a preview. I suppose we were really saying that we were experiencing it in the present whilst they were looking at the future and to take it one step further I was letting go of the past.

Rewriting the Script and Changing the Anchor

Since arriving back in San Francisco I've been out on the Bay for numerous water adventures. From sailing to kayaking the experiences have been a reclamation of sorts. Prior to moving away from San Francisco in 2005 I went sailing with friends and it was the beginning of a long journey into self-doubt. When given "control" of the boat I lost my cool and freaked out. This became a negative anchor for me as I moved on to Houston and then London. How could I act that way? How could I be so weak? What did my friends think of me? All those damaging scripts being played and re-played in my head.

In the past three months I've been back out on the Bay and this time I'm craving the challenges to push my physical limits. Sailing with friends on the same boat as 2005, I took the helm and guided us in and out of the Berkeley Marina. It was like writing a new script.

Yesterday I went for a full day sea kayaking class with California Canoe and Kayak in the Oakland Estuary. I wore the wetsuit purchased at a yard sale in June on my final day in DC. It was a tight fit and left no room for figure mystery. That was brave in itself. But the most exciting challenge was stepping past my stretch zone, into the edge of my panic, to deliberately capsize in the kayak while skirted into its cockpit. In other words, I was attached to the boat, upside down in salty water.

This was actually something I had done successfully as a teenager away for the summer at adventure camp in Colorado. But as I've gotten older the experience has become more of a personal urban legend as my fears of losing control took over. Yesterday was a big step to see if I could regain that strength and confidence. I did it! And once I had done it I insisted on capsizing and practicing again and again until I was black and blue, water logged and sunburned.

During our lunch break, Paula and Tim, the instructor and other student in the course, and I had a philosophical discussion about kayaking as a metaphor for change management. Paula shared with us that kayaking is really just placing the paddle in the water and moving the boat past it to a new place. The paddle stays still and the boat moves. This is difficult to visualize unless there are unmoving objects around the paddle, such as seaweed or floating wood. Only with those obstacles nearby can you see that the paddle is anchored and the boat gliding. We shared how this was true when promoting personal or organizational evolution. Lead with a gentle touch, ever so slightly correcting the path to move past the obstacles. Strength and bravado are not necessary.

This is the powerful metaphor I use in my personal inspiration of the Sleek Yellow Kayak. Paula gave me a choice of kayaks for our course and I chose a yellow one. The kayak became an extension of myself as we moved along the water playfully. It also became my lifeline as I clung to its side while capsized in the Bay. What a tremendously positive anchor around which I write my new script.

Women Rock

I had a huge realization last night. Women rock my world. Guys rock too but it is my women friends who have been anchors during this tempestuous time of my life. My women friends and relatives have picked me up, brushed me off and re-fueled my engine.

It hit home when I was in DC last week for my brother's wedding. My cousin Liz, who I hadn't seen in 5 years (so unacceptable and my doing) told me that I could do anything I want. She's pursuing a PhD, which I've flirted with for a few years now. She said Amy, go for it. Liz is making it happen as a single mom and here I am with basically zero responsibilities hemming and hawing.

My girlfriends are inspirations. Not to sound sexist but they are strong with and without men. Gosh, I am free to live my dreams too.

Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

Triathletes Across Generations

This past weekend my brother AND father participated in the New Jersey State Triathlon. Matt has been training for months. He's a super strong cyclist and runner. To get up to speed in swimming Matt trained with a professional swimmer. When I stayed with him and Rachel in DC in May and June Matt was always up early and staying out late riding his bike, plus, riding to and from work. Totally amazing. My dad is a strong cyclist and runner - swimming is also a newer sport for him.

Triathlons are really about individual athletes competing against their own best times. Ask my dad and he won't agree - it is just as much about the competition. Good thing my dad's age group only had two participants and guess what - he won a silver medal!

Above is a great shot of my mom, dad and Matt.

Pulling Myself Together

Yesterday I rented a Uhaul and picked up my final two moving boxes from San Francisco and brought them to Alameda. It was like a right of passage riding my bike to the Uhaul place, renting the truck, sitting in Bay Bridge traffic, paying the toll, working my way across San Francisco, picking up the boxes, again sitting in Bay Bridge traffic, dropping the boxes off at my new place, returning the truck and then riding my bike back home. This was bookended with my favorite yoga class and seeing the movie Mama Mia.




Unpacking the boxes this morning I discovered all the little bits and pieces that make a place feel like home. These are the collections of things I brought to London and continued to grow over the years. A collection of glass hearts, hand crafted eggs, my etchings, scarves, and ceramics. Placing them around my place I instantly felt like this is home. Unfortunately there were a few broken items but not bad considering they were shipped from the UK to DC and then on to SF.


Seeing Mama Mia with Rachel and David was the ultimate ending to the day. Meryl Streep, as always, is an inspiration. Clearly I identified with her character as I dreamt last night that I had her long, long blond hair. More than her hair I felt touched by the duality of her character's strength/vulnerability, calm/panic, age/agelessness, creativity/practicality. This photo captures it all, especially the setting - her bedroom in Greece.



After leaving the film we chatted about saving for the future. What is it that I am saving for? Rachel reminded me, the farm and continuing my work in international civic leadership. How quickly I was distracted from my clearly-stated goals during my whirlwind reconnection with Bay Area life.


This image of Meryl stretching herself apart and at the same time pulling herself together while jumping madly on her bed is how I'm feeling these days.

In Pursuit of Wireless

Staying with my sibs in DC I was totally spoiled with continuous internet access. Now that I'm "on my own" accessing the internet has become like a religion - equivalent to needing to pray to the great big electricity god in the sky for laptop power.

Stacey and Stefan's house, in which I'm renting the top floor, has wireless but for some reason their IT guy can't get me to connect. The next best option - cafes with free wifi. I've found two in Alameda that are working well for me Java Rama and Julie's. One is a boy hangout and the other very girlie. Java Rama is dark, cavernous and plays 80s music. Julie's is bright, cute, plays jazzy tunes and serves yummy food. You guess which one is for guys and which for girls.

The fantastic feature of Julie's is that they have scones with clotted cream and homemade strawberry jam. Plus, decaf Chai (although it needs some work on flavor).

I'm going to have to figure out a solution to my internet access challenge because this is costing me some major money and calories living off of free wifi. Maybe I could hide in the alley and access their wireless.

Another option is to get a crackberry or a wireless access doo-hickly thingy from AT&T. Costing it out the wireless doo-hicky thingy actually will be less expansive than buying tea and cookies twice a day. But I do like the social aspects of meandering between the two cafes.

Photos of Julie's and my yum-food-hit.

Balance Eat Pray Love

Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert is a book that has changed my life. I picked it up at a yardsale, the same one where I got my new wetsuit, hours before leaving DC for San Francisco. This yardsale clearly had a lot of foreshadowing about my landing in San Francisco as I now live in Alameda two blocks from the beach.

More about the book. Liz embarks on a one year journey to find passion, meaning and balance in her life. The book documents her journey from Italy to India and ends in Indonesia. For me the impact is of her constant question about the direction of her life being a 30-something that has just survived a horrific divorce. What she finds on this journey is herself as well as some incredibly deep friendships. It reminds me so much of my launch from London and my past two months of nomadic wandering along the East Coast and Jamaica.

Here are the biggest take-aways from the book that have helped me rekindle my inner spark:

1. Breath

2. Be honest

3. Love myself

4. Slow down

5. Meditate

6. Forgive

7. Friendship

Liz is a remarkable, brave woman and I aspire to live as courageously and honestly as she has done...and finding balance.

Kayaking on the Potomac

Since arriving in DC I've wanted to kayak on the Potomac River. Two days before I return to San Francisco I finally found time. There's a great rental place called Jack's Boat's. We've rented there before and usually canoe but this time I set out on my own and in a kayak.

I love kayaking. It struck me as I was getting into the kayak that my love for kayaking started way back when I was 14 or so and attended Anderson Camps for a summer in Gypsum, Colorado. We learned some serious kayaking starting in a pool where it was safe to roll and then on the Green River in Utah where we did a week-long trip.

All that training prepped me for a rather windy, wavy, bumpy ride yesterday in the middle of the Potomac. It was heaven. I only went out for an hour ($10) and that was just enough to cool down from the summer heat and get my water skills up and running.

Visited with some cool ducks hanging out on a rock at Roosevelt Island.


Out there on the water I was reminded of the blog entry I made about the Sleek Yellow Kayak inspiration.

Cooking for a Crowd

Last night was I cooked up a thank you/good bye dinner for my DC hosts before moving on to San Francisco. As I mentioned in the previous post Meals Make Memories the menu was inspired by meals I had in the past two months after returning to the States from London.

Guests:
My sister and brother-in-law Marlene and Mandeep
My brother Matthew and his fiancee Rachel
Rachel's Mom Ann
Matt and Rachel's roommate Tyeliah and her friend Jody
Downstairs neighbor Richard

Here's what I served and the locations with links to posts on my blog which they commemorated

Jerk salmon, catfish, prawns and portobello mushrooms - Jamaica
Spoon corn bread - Maryland
Asian coleslaw - Teaism influenced
Steamed baby artichokes - Virginia
Strawberries with fresh maple/vanilla whipped cream - Virginia & Maine

Marlene also brought mouth-watering pastries that we shared.

What a meal!

Final Week in DC

Now back in DC for a few days and then returning home to San Francisco after three years. I'm really happy about the return, especially after the warm support of my arts management friends. It was wild that so many people knew my current "life-story" word travels fast - or maybe they read the blog?!?

Seamless Business Across Time Zones

Moving back to the States from London in early May one of my primary goals was to be able to continue consulting in both countries. Six weeks later I'm happy to say that its going well. Yesterday I proved it to myself when I called a program participant in Bristol, England to discuss content for a leadership session she was unable to attend. Of course she could tell I was American by my accent but she had no idea I was calling from Washington, DC. I walked her through the powerpoint presentations and answered her questions about content.

At the conclusion of our conversation she said, "I look forward to meeting you at tomorrow's session." She giggled delightfully when I told her that I wouldn't see her there because actually I am in DC and my associate Martin would be facilitating the session. "Oh my, what time is it in DC?" When I told her 8am she giggled more.

There are a few reasons I can make this happen. Technology of course is top of the list. I am using Skype's voice over internet for calls to other skype users as well as to phones. Email allows me to arrange meetings and share documents regardless of time zone. And then my ability to speak British English is huge. Because I know the lingo of The Third Sector in the UK and how British people use English I'm able to communicate clearly. Plus, of course, the exotic factor of an American voice and way of thinking keeps me interesting.

I Left My Heart in San Francisco...

...and now I'm going to find my heart.

After much soul searching and following my heart I've realized that San Francisco is where I belong. That was where I lived before these three years of adventures through Houston, Connecticut, London and DC. It is where I have been the happiest and now I am going to move back.

So, June 28 open up those golden gates, California here I come! Over the next month I am going to continue my welcome back to America Whistle Stop Tour of the East Coast. Next week in Connecticut and Maine, later in the month in Philly. Then... off to San Francisco via Virgin Atlantic airlines first class. I figured it would be appropriate to have a UK airline take me home.

A Half Century in DC

The big DC century bike ride went well yesterday. We started at 7.35am at Roosevelt Island in the center of the Potomac River. Here are the eight of us getting the bikes ready. The big excitement was figuring out how to carry all the fantastic sandwiches we had packed. Mine went into the back pocket of my shirt which made it super warm and delicious at snack time - cheese and avocado never tasted so good.


When we first departed from the parking lot our group began to spread out and I thought that would be the last I'd see of all of them - except my biking buddy Bernie since we had promised to stick together. But to our surprise we stayed in a group for the entire first leg out to Mount Vernon and back to DC - 30 miles. Matt did an amazing job keeping us together and moving at a good pace.


Even though Ike the Bike has smaller tires I was able to stay with the group and at one point was even leading the pack at 16.5 miles per hour! Bernie said that I falsely advertised myself as a slow cyclist. I too was shocked. I think the speed had to do with being in a group and the fact that I've been training on a deceivingly challenging route called the Capital Crescent Trail - plus, knowing that I was only going 30 miles with Bernie while the rest of the group was going for 100.


At mile 30 Bernie, who was being coerced by his buddies, tried to convince me to go another 10 miles with the group. I saw that peer pressure working its magic and said no thanks. I knew it was going to be a hot day and I was conserving energy for our DC tour. Bernie finally agreed and we split from the group. It turned out to be a good choice for us since we had a fantastic day visiting all kinds of DC sites.


First we stopped at Arlington National Cemetery. Parking our bikes at the visitor center we walked in our designer biking duds to the Kennedy Memorial and the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier with about 300 eighth graders.

We then visited the Korean War, Vietnam Veterans and World War II memorials. Our timing was perfect for the Vietnam Veterans memorial ranger talk and we ended up having a 40 minute private tour of the wall.


Next we tootled on our bikes along the Mall. Stopped out Teaism for lunch, stopped at The White House to call my good friend and Bernie's daughter Karen, and then made our way to the Kennedy Center and my new favorite view from the terrace level.

We were feeling strong, although hot and grubby so instead of picking up Matt's car at Roosevelt Island we decided to ride to his place and get to 50 miles on our trek record. This last 7 miles was along the Capital Crescent Trail and as I mentioned that deceivingly hard trail was very challenging. It kicked our butts. Plus, we decided to go an extra mile past Matt & Rachel's turn-off so that we could get exactly to 50 miles. Oy.


A few hours later Marlene generously acted as chauffeur and picked up the remaining riders from the 100 mile point. What a scene! Matt was delirious but still had to keep his wits while he rounded up the other riders. It was like wrangling drunken cats. At one point Matt was running along the C&O Canal tow path in his biking shoes yelling - stop here! Stop! He grabbed dad's bike and heroically peddled to catch a passing rider.

We were all so tired - I had done 50 and was brain dead and these guys were coming off of a 12 hour ride having done 100. Matt was amazing.


Marlene then hosted us all at her house with a fantastic dinner prepared by the WAGS (wives and girlfriends). We topped it off with cake for Bernie's birthday. At this point I Matt and I just wanted to sleep - and we were two of the youngest folks there. The "oldies" who had done 100 miles were chatting up a storm.

I Will Ride 100 Miles and I Will Ride 100 More

That's the mantra of my dad and his buddies who heroically do an annual 100 mile bike ride in early Summer. This year they're in DC and Matt has spent weeks creating a century ride for them that meets all their requests:

1. No hills - flat, flat, flat
2. Pavement
3. Paths
4. Interesting sites
5. A ferry ride
6. Shorter route options for those who want to maintain their sanity

The big ride is tomorrow and the riders begin arriving tonight. I'm doing a 35 mile version from Roosevelt Island to Mount Vernon and then back to Matt and Rachel's house in the Palisades along the Potomac.

While the husbands are out there on the road their wives are shopping. I think I may be the only woman on the ride. Did I not get the memo?

Here, There, Everywhere, Nowhere

You haven't heard from me in a few days because I'm too confused to write a good post. I thought that moving back to the States would be the decisive move that would clarify my life. But in the process I created a completely unstable base.

If you've been reading my blog for a while you'll know that I've been on the move since 2005 - from San Francisco to Houston to Connecticut to London and now DC. In every city I've made amazing friendships and worked with some fantastic organizations. But each move has required me to start again with housing, friends, jobs, activities... Although it is wonderful to have all these friendships it also hurts to say goodbye.

Now when people ask me where I live and what I do I have no answer. Starting over again. It takes a lot of energy to find inspiration each time. I think that I need to look at the next for to six week as a holiday and use the time to have some fun for the summer. How often do you have the opportunity to take a breather and be inspired?