Every Action Has a Reaction

Today, while getting a massage on my injured shoulder, the masseuse demonstrated how one part of the body reveals pain in another part. He asked me to lift my uninjured arm and push up on his hand while he tried to push down. As he did this, he felt around in my injured arm until he discovered which muscle and zone (entry, exit or belly) was most sensitive. I was fascinated by this approach and couldn't quite understand what he was doing until he explained. "Your strong arm, the one that is not injured, is a 'tell' in that as soon as I touch a muscle in another part of your body that is injured, the uninjured arm will no longer hold its strength. That's how I know I've found the spot in the injured arm." Fascinating.

He dug around for 45 minutes and worked out almost all the kinks until I had movement in my arm that I have not experienced in months. He would judge if the pressure he used to work out those kinks was too strong by looking at my facial reactions. When he couldn't see my face he would say, "I can't see your face so tell me if I am pushing too hard." By the end I didn't care if he was pushing too hard because I was instantly feeling the positive impact of the massage.

As I reflect on this massage and the masseuse's "tell" technique, I am recognizing a technique that can I use in my consulting practice. Most of my work is listening, probing and guiding the client based on where it is they have identified as their desired destination. For me, today's massage was about regaining mobility in my shoulder so that I could reach across my chest or behind my back. As we worked together, the masseuse kept having me test if these movements were improving. At each test point I could see inches of new reach based on his probing. I do the same with my clients.

But what is the tell, I wonder? This is something I've been exploring of late. When I first started consulting I remember asking a client some questions that resulted in her grabbing her neck. It was clear that I had hit on something that was choking her. Recently, I worked with a co-consultant who would recognize this pain point and push the client further into in order to find the origin and ultimately relief. This has not been my style. I take note of the tension and then circle around it by probing with other questions that allow me to triangulate the resistence and then use this as the center point for my work. It is a challenging journey for me as I am not a confronter. However, lately, as a teacher, I've begun to recognize that change happens when you push the edge, not when you avoid it.

Yesterday, my Career Development class made their final presentations in which they shared their career goals, personal vision, mission, values, and unique selling point. One of the most cautious students, who continuously froze when making presentations, made the most spectacular speech. He was like a different person, he flowed. Throughout the quarter presentations had been in his panic zone and yesterday his presentation was clearly in his comfort zone. The entire class was blown away by his calm, poised, dance-like style that commanded our attention. Following the presentation the student said he couldn't believe that the presentation seemed any different from ones he had done earlier in the quarter and that he wished we had videotaped it so that he could see how he looked. "I was totally panicking inside."

Earlier in the quarter I had taken a risk and had this student stand in front of the class, his panic zone, and tell his personal story. His classmates asked probing questions to help him identify how his past, as a factory worker, directly linked to his future, as an animation artist. He hated the process but I kept him up there, on the edge, to become more comfortable by interacting with his audience. Clearly, it payed off by the end of the quarter. Early-on his tell had been sweating, stomach aches and a deer-in-the-headlights look on his face. By the end of the quarter he was calm, cool and collected. He had reached his goal.

For some people the pain point "tell" is physical, as in the two examples listed above. For others, it is verbal. I've experienced clients who lash out at me, usually early on in the consultancy. Frankly, I don't take these outbursts personally as I see it that I am pushing them into their panic zone by pinpointing the pain. Some consultants could react by stating, "I do not appreciate that behavior" and I supposed I could do that as well. But for me, I know I've found the point of tension. Usually it is a fear-based reaction. Their aggressive response is them bursting out, indirectly, "Don't touch me there, you're scaring me, I'm being pushed to my limit, people are going to see through me and recognize my weaknesses." However, they've hired me to do just that. It can take months, but eventually I help them work through that spot by probing gently around it and helping them question their assumptions and previous behaviors. Together we discover approaches that allow them to reach their desired outcomes and reach their fullest potential.

Surprising Myself

I'm sitting here figuring out my income and expenses for my accountant and it turns out I made a decent living this year as a consultant. I suppose this isn't something you want to advertise to the world but the good news is that I actually have a sustainable lifestyle.

Wouldn't it be good if I followed my own consulting advice and kept my expenses tracked in QuickBooks in real-time? Now that I have a university faculty ID I can purchase it at academic pricing. My old QuickBooks for PC doesn't work on my new fabby Mac. Sounds like a student dog-ate-my-homework kind of excuse.

Now to put more money away for savings and taxes.

Many Distractions, Such as Work

I've been quite quiet with my posts as work has been taking up so much of my time. How discourteous of work to get in the way. Highlights from the past couple of days have been facilitating a strategic planning retreat for one client whilst also writing their strategic plan. Also lots of consulting collaborations with my fantastic cohorts. Taught a course in San Jose last week on the Business of Arts and present session two with Leah this Tuesday.

In between all this I've had quality dates with many friends. My new place is such a lovely pad to host people. This morning I've made breakfast for me and Leah and this afternoon Rachel and baby Chloe will be visiting. Last night Hisun and I celebrated the harvest moon with homemade Korean picnic at Lake Merritt. She also introduced me to Pandora Radio which is quite a find.

Search for Greater Meaning

I'm still on this quest for greater meaning in my life. Yes, it is exciting that I'm forging my own path and living out loud and all that jazz but what am I working towards? Ever since returning to the States 10 months ago I've felt unsettled, like I've seen the world and I'm back in the nest.

I look around me and people are raising their kids, working to pay the mortgage, hunkering down to stay employed. That's not interesting to me and I often feel lucky that I'm free from those obligations. I have this inclination to further simplify my already simplified life and travel, teach, consult, and dig-in all over the world. Fly, land, connect, fly, land, connect...

The client projects I'm working on these days are very interesting. They challenge and stretch me to learn and teach. School is pushing me even further - both intellectually and financially (so expensive) yet again I want to be out there in the world, beyond San Francisco. Presenting the leadership course last month in the UK was spectacular. That's the kind of work that revs my engine. Now to figure out with my coach Simone how to secure more of those projects.

I keep envisioning that I have a small house or condo someplace that allows me to have all my favorite things in one place (not in storage in Houston) and that I use this as a home base. But nearly 50% of my time is invested in travel. I think this is possible. After all, this is the Year of Research and Development.

Living Outside the Box

Reflecting on Amy's Year of Research and Development with my Core Peeps I've realized something monumental about my life choices. I'm living outside the box in so many ways. No marriage/partner/relationship and no job/employer/boss. How to define yourself when you are living on your own and working for yourself? Completely non-conforming and so different from the norm. Definately difficult to explain to folks you're meeting for the first time.

On the other hand, this is what makes me interesting and inspirational!

Home Office

In the past 24 hours I have become totally inspired to settle into my house. Stacey, Stefan and the boys live on the main floor and I have the upstairs. I've been slowly taking over this room and today I made it official by moving out their storage boxes. Instantly doubled my living space and now have a fantastic room in which to do my consulting and soon my school work.

After beeing a "squater" of sorts for six months I am finally committing to making this my home. Must be school that is helping me feel settled.

My plan is to spend most of my time in Alameda and only go into San Francisco when I have client meetings. That should be about twice a week. Alameda is so beautiful. We're two blocks from the beach and on from Trader Joe's. But the best feature of the house are the giant redwoods out back. Photo to be posted in a moment.

Billable Hours

Working as a consultant for a firm is teaching me a whole new business concept - Billable Hours. When you work inside many companies there is little sense that time is money. Heck, there are many days when you just waste time to make the day pass.

When you work for yourself the concept does apply, however, so much of your time has to go into general operations and business development that billable hours are really just an ideal.

I have to say I, digging the concept. It is keeping me quick on my feet, focused and direct in meetings with clients and focused on getting to the point in my writing.

Perhaps at a later point it will feel different but for now it is giving me a business discipline that I much needed.
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

Live your dream: make it happen

Nicole and I had a fantastic conversation about articulating your own personal vision and mission statements. "Once you've articulated what it is you are about so much more falls into place" was her advice. As a consultant and coach I certainly offer the same guidance but good golly I find it so hard to do for myself.

At first I came up with something very lofty and filled with lingo. I then tried to share it with Nicole and I couldn't even remember what it was. Didn't roll of the tongue, got stuck in the brain. Following the KISS theory (Keep It Simple Sister) I chunked up on the vision (meaning that I took it up a few notches) and this is what I realized.

Vision and Mission statement - all blended into one:

Live your dream: make it happen

That's what I'm about. I'm starting to reflect that more in my consulting and coaching website Leading-Together.

Leading the Life I Want to Live

The past couple of months I've been reconnecting with friends and family here in the States. I'd call it a sabbatical of sorts. How often in your life do you get to visit with friends and family, take a break, think about where you're going, what you've done, choose where to live and what you want to do? I keep joking that if I could only live my life this way. But then I realized the most obvious thing on my morning bike ride today - I am living the life I want to lead.

Consulting nationally and internationally
Spending quality time with friends and family
Traveling and adventuring
Writing
Teaching
Coaching
Being a photographer

I'm doing all of it! Now to pump up the volume and make some excellent money and I can keep living this lifestyle. I return to San Francisco on June 28 and I know that living in my beloved city I will have the proper base to keep it going.

Seamless Business Across Time Zones

Moving back to the States from London in early May one of my primary goals was to be able to continue consulting in both countries. Six weeks later I'm happy to say that its going well. Yesterday I proved it to myself when I called a program participant in Bristol, England to discuss content for a leadership session she was unable to attend. Of course she could tell I was American by my accent but she had no idea I was calling from Washington, DC. I walked her through the powerpoint presentations and answered her questions about content.

At the conclusion of our conversation she said, "I look forward to meeting you at tomorrow's session." She giggled delightfully when I told her that I wouldn't see her there because actually I am in DC and my associate Martin would be facilitating the session. "Oh my, what time is it in DC?" When I told her 8am she giggled more.

There are a few reasons I can make this happen. Technology of course is top of the list. I am using Skype's voice over internet for calls to other skype users as well as to phones. Email allows me to arrange meetings and share documents regardless of time zone. And then my ability to speak British English is huge. Because I know the lingo of The Third Sector in the UK and how British people use English I'm able to communicate clearly. Plus, of course, the exotic factor of an American voice and way of thinking keeps me interesting.

Next Stop Washington, DC

I've been quiet for a few days as you can see following the flurry of posts this weekend. Many changes going on for me. In particular I am returning to the States on May 3rd, concluding my 18 months living in London.

This next step in my life I can live anywhere and do anything - I think I've been here before. This time I've decided to settle into Washington, DC. Like London, DC is a national capital with strong international connections. Living in London has sparked my interest in working across the US and the world. I want to continue on that ride.

I am going to return to consulting (did I ever really leave?) and am in the process of setting up a business called Leading-Together. The website will launch soon http://www.leading-together.com/ (you'll see tidbits appear in a few days). The business focus will be building sustainable community partnerships and developing leaders. Still perfecting the pitch.

My sibs live in the DC area and I am eager to be near to them.