May 27, 2020

Choreography of Interdependence

Working virtually I am able to accomplish so much more but it is in the setting of Zoom. When I go out on morning bicycle rides there's an opportunity to see living systems. But I have to take the time to notice, be present, use my senses.

Riding through Jack London Square in Oakland, near the Amtrak Station, I heard men yelling to each other above the street. As I searched for the source I noticed a construction site that was alive with workers moving through the scaffolding.

Stopping to take notice it was clear that they were disassembling the intricate exoskeleton of a newly born building - shedding its cocoon. The men were like tiny organisms coordinating their interdependent system through voice and movement. A practice of trusting communication. 

May 25, 2020

Attunement: The Risk Worth Taking

How can we grow emotionally, socially and spiritually without taking a risk? Sure, we're living in the Covid no-risk age but does that mean we have to be stagnant? Is risklessness a life of safety but no growth? Do we even need to grow? These questions are always on my mind and even more so these days. 

While working with a strategic planning client via Zoom, we were articulating guiding principles for her dance company's artistic and business practices. As we dove deep into the purpose of artistic risk-taking the word attunement crossed our screens. What exactly does it mean? Why is it paired with risk? 

As soon as I read this definition out loud we each got shivers as it is accurate for both the artistic experience and this time of living in isolation. 

A blooming succulent - flowers once a year.

Attunement is the reactiveness we have to another person. It is the process by which we form relationships. When we attune with others we allow our own internal state to shift, to come to resonate with the inner world of another. This resonance is at the heart of the important sense of “feeling felt” that emerges in close relationships.

As we stare into our screens we see both a reflection of ourselves and an image of the other. I find myself seeing both of us, simultaneously, breathing in sync. My senses are heightened in this virtual touchless time as I intermingle with myself and the other. 

This past week I was able to transcend pain from my past, guided into an internal state of resonance by another. I was feeling felt, seen and heard. The result - a transformation as I released the load I was carrying - it was no longer serving me. The journey was a risk worth taking as I merged into a more peaceful inner world, guided by a friend.

Reflecting on attunement I am reminded that as a Level 1-2 Reiki Practitioner, I have been through the attunement ceremony. The healing modality of hands and heart.

May 24, 2020

Cathartic Release and Cleansing

My dad says I look content in this photo.
Over the past 8 days (my favorite number) was a journey inward to a tremendous emotional release. Being in my head through all of this SIP, and frankly for the past 3 years, I finally got back into my heart through the prompting of a wise soul - an agent of change.

Let me be honest, it has been a painful reconnection for my heart. For so long it was sheltering in its place protected and guarded by my brain, afraid to feel pain. But that was even more damaging because I was disconnected. This caused self-doubt, fear, anxiety, and energy blockage.

Now that my heart is again alive I am feeling the pain so long suppressed and I keep singing a song, "I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive, my heart is alive."Accompanying the song are deep sobs cleansing out the little pockets of remaining pain deep in my heart. This cleansing is so necessary, healthy and healing.

Now that my heart is open and alive, I feel lonely. There is more vulnerability and free flow of energy through me and I want to be hugged and feel the warmth of other people near me. I know I am not alone in this feeling.

Ironically, this week two other Amy's reconnected with me - we had lost each other for years. Amy = Amo (Latin, I love). Plus, I am once again taking photos - an element of my creative self that was dormant for so long.

Through all this, what's clear to me now is that I am beautiful, perfect, healthy, calm, relaxed, grounded, balanced, with a strong heart and a strong mind. I AM LOVE - and every day I am amazed by what I bring into this world.

I found this definition of catharsis from Very Well Mind and it perfectly captures my experience.
The Meaning of Catharsis
The term itself comes from the Greek katharsis meaning "purification" or "cleansing." The term is used in therapy as well as in literature. The hero of a novel might experience an emotional catharsis that leads to some sort of restoration or renewal. The purpose of catharsis is to bring about some form of positive change in the individual's life.
Catharsis involves both a powerful emotional component in which strong feelings are felt and expressed, as well as a cognitive component in which the individual gains new insights.