For some reason I find myself reminiscing this evening. Perhaps it is being back in the US for two and a half years and that London feels like a lifetime ago. Or, that I have had so many lives, really. I've lived in so many areas of the country, so many homes, with different people, and even in a different country. Each time I reinvent myself and I wonder what I take from the past life to the new one?
Looking at my siblings and their lives - filled with children, partners and homes - and then mine, which really is more like a college student - I wonder if I am stuck in time. Is this a lucky life I lead - where I can pursue anything and everything with little accountability - or is it a life where I keep dodging responsibility? No, I am quite responsible. Three years ago I would never have expected that I would be on this journey of continuous self-discovery.
I suppose it was being sick these past few weeks that has made me think about the past, present and future. My friends are my family and my family are my friends. I live without a partner, kids, a pet, a mortgage, following whatever path interests me.
Last week I had my culinary students write out their goals and if they had a panic-zone goal, how could they bring it into the stretch-zone. One student wrote that her greatest fear is becoming the crazy cat lady who sits in a rocking chair and looks out the attic window. I wrote on her paper that I share the same panic-zone visual. It is just difficult to imagine, as I age, that I will not become more unusual and eccentric as I live for myself. Maybe that is a good thing - being my own character? Sometimes I wish I could see the future and the twists and turns that I will maneuver. But at the same time, I don't really want to know what lies ahead. Is this denial or a sense of adventure?
Showing posts with label panic zone. Show all posts
Showing posts with label panic zone. Show all posts
January 28, 2011
June 19, 2010
Every Action Has a Reaction
Today, while getting a massage on my injured shoulder, the masseuse demonstrated how one part of the body reveals pain in another part. He asked me to lift my uninjured arm and push up on his hand while he tried to push down. As he did this, he felt around in my injured arm until he discovered which muscle and zone (entry, exit or belly) was most sensitive. I was fascinated by this approach and couldn't quite understand what he was doing until he explained. "Your strong arm, the one that is not injured, is a 'tell' in that as soon as I touch a muscle in another part of your body that is injured, the uninjured arm will no longer hold its strength. That's how I know I've found the spot in the injured arm." Fascinating.
He dug around for 45 minutes and worked out almost all the kinks until I had movement in my arm that I have not experienced in months. He would judge if the pressure he used to work out those kinks was too strong by looking at my facial reactions. When he couldn't see my face he would say, "I can't see your face so tell me if I am pushing too hard." By the end I didn't care if he was pushing too hard because I was instantly feeling the positive impact of the massage.
As I reflect on this massage and the masseuse's "tell" technique, I am recognizing a technique that can I use in my consulting practice. Most of my work is listening, probing and guiding the client based on where it is they have identified as their desired destination. For me, today's massage was about regaining mobility in my shoulder so that I could reach across my chest or behind my back. As we worked together, the masseuse kept having me test if these movements were improving. At each test point I could see inches of new reach based on his probing. I do the same with my clients.
But what is the tell, I wonder? This is something I've been exploring of late. When I first started consulting I remember asking a client some questions that resulted in her grabbing her neck. It was clear that I had hit on something that was choking her. Recently, I worked with a co-consultant who would recognize this pain point and push the client further into in order to find the origin and ultimately relief. This has not been my style. I take note of the tension and then circle around it by probing with other questions that allow me to triangulate the resistence and then use this as the center point for my work. It is a challenging journey for me as I am not a confronter. However, lately, as a teacher, I've begun to recognize that change happens when you push the edge, not when you avoid it.
Yesterday, my Career Development class made their final presentations in which they shared their career goals, personal vision, mission, values, and unique selling point. One of the most cautious students, who continuously froze when making presentations, made the most spectacular speech. He was like a different person, he flowed. Throughout the quarter presentations had been in his panic zone and yesterday his presentation was clearly in his comfort zone. The entire class was blown away by his calm, poised, dance-like style that commanded our attention. Following the presentation the student said he couldn't believe that the presentation seemed any different from ones he had done earlier in the quarter and that he wished we had videotaped it so that he could see how he looked. "I was totally panicking inside."
Earlier in the quarter I had taken a risk and had this student stand in front of the class, his panic zone, and tell his personal story. His classmates asked probing questions to help him identify how his past, as a factory worker, directly linked to his future, as an animation artist. He hated the process but I kept him up there, on the edge, to become more comfortable by interacting with his audience. Clearly, it payed off by the end of the quarter. Early-on his tell had been sweating, stomach aches and a deer-in-the-headlights look on his face. By the end of the quarter he was calm, cool and collected. He had reached his goal.
For some people the pain point "tell" is physical, as in the two examples listed above. For others, it is verbal. I've experienced clients who lash out at me, usually early on in the consultancy. Frankly, I don't take these outbursts personally as I see it that I am pushing them into their panic zone by pinpointing the pain. Some consultants could react by stating, "I do not appreciate that behavior" and I supposed I could do that as well. But for me, I know I've found the point of tension. Usually it is a fear-based reaction. Their aggressive response is them bursting out, indirectly, "Don't touch me there, you're scaring me, I'm being pushed to my limit, people are going to see through me and recognize my weaknesses." However, they've hired me to do just that. It can take months, but eventually I help them work through that spot by probing gently around it and helping them question their assumptions and previous behaviors. Together we discover approaches that allow them to reach their desired outcomes and reach their fullest potential.
He dug around for 45 minutes and worked out almost all the kinks until I had movement in my arm that I have not experienced in months. He would judge if the pressure he used to work out those kinks was too strong by looking at my facial reactions. When he couldn't see my face he would say, "I can't see your face so tell me if I am pushing too hard." By the end I didn't care if he was pushing too hard because I was instantly feeling the positive impact of the massage.
As I reflect on this massage and the masseuse's "tell" technique, I am recognizing a technique that can I use in my consulting practice. Most of my work is listening, probing and guiding the client based on where it is they have identified as their desired destination. For me, today's massage was about regaining mobility in my shoulder so that I could reach across my chest or behind my back. As we worked together, the masseuse kept having me test if these movements were improving. At each test point I could see inches of new reach based on his probing. I do the same with my clients.
But what is the tell, I wonder? This is something I've been exploring of late. When I first started consulting I remember asking a client some questions that resulted in her grabbing her neck. It was clear that I had hit on something that was choking her. Recently, I worked with a co-consultant who would recognize this pain point and push the client further into in order to find the origin and ultimately relief. This has not been my style. I take note of the tension and then circle around it by probing with other questions that allow me to triangulate the resistence and then use this as the center point for my work. It is a challenging journey for me as I am not a confronter. However, lately, as a teacher, I've begun to recognize that change happens when you push the edge, not when you avoid it.
Yesterday, my Career Development class made their final presentations in which they shared their career goals, personal vision, mission, values, and unique selling point. One of the most cautious students, who continuously froze when making presentations, made the most spectacular speech. He was like a different person, he flowed. Throughout the quarter presentations had been in his panic zone and yesterday his presentation was clearly in his comfort zone. The entire class was blown away by his calm, poised, dance-like style that commanded our attention. Following the presentation the student said he couldn't believe that the presentation seemed any different from ones he had done earlier in the quarter and that he wished we had videotaped it so that he could see how he looked. "I was totally panicking inside."
Earlier in the quarter I had taken a risk and had this student stand in front of the class, his panic zone, and tell his personal story. His classmates asked probing questions to help him identify how his past, as a factory worker, directly linked to his future, as an animation artist. He hated the process but I kept him up there, on the edge, to become more comfortable by interacting with his audience. Clearly, it payed off by the end of the quarter. Early-on his tell had been sweating, stomach aches and a deer-in-the-headlights look on his face. By the end of the quarter he was calm, cool and collected. He had reached his goal.
For some people the pain point "tell" is physical, as in the two examples listed above. For others, it is verbal. I've experienced clients who lash out at me, usually early on in the consultancy. Frankly, I don't take these outbursts personally as I see it that I am pushing them into their panic zone by pinpointing the pain. Some consultants could react by stating, "I do not appreciate that behavior" and I supposed I could do that as well. But for me, I know I've found the point of tension. Usually it is a fear-based reaction. Their aggressive response is them bursting out, indirectly, "Don't touch me there, you're scaring me, I'm being pushed to my limit, people are going to see through me and recognize my weaknesses." However, they've hired me to do just that. It can take months, but eventually I help them work through that spot by probing gently around it and helping them question their assumptions and previous behaviors. Together we discover approaches that allow them to reach their desired outcomes and reach their fullest potential.
June 8, 2010
Fire Burns Away Brain Fog
The break-through moment was yesterday when I was able to complete a proposal for a project that totally lights my fire, but was stuck. The moment of transformation was fueled by a conference call with three colleagues who are arts management coaches/consultants. We had a fantastic conversation about a book on which we are collaborating (details soon). It was like the fog instantly cleared and I was once again inspired to follow my passion.
Later in the day I met with my C2Arts partners and we had another inspirational conversation about how to work together and make an impact in our field. When I learned that one of my seemingly conservative colleagues was a secret, or not so secret Burning Man attendee, I was on fire! I hadn't realize how much I wanted to attend Burning Man and never thought it possible. The mystery of it and drug-factor were in my panic zone. When let us know that she's was putting together a camp I was hooked. Now I'm going to attend Burning Man with her - moved into my stretch zone with the help of a friend.
I'm committed to fostering my creativity and am moving towards yet another of my goals.
Now to come up with my alter ego.
December 7, 2009
Extrovert Introverted
Yesterday I participated in an introduction session to Interplay - a movement-based, community-building vocabulary. That's a non-profit lingo way of trying to say, connecting with people through movement. My friends Theron and Elizabeth are deeply involved with the organization and I wanted to appreciate what they find so inspiring. In the process, I learned some interesting things about myself. The grand conclusion is that I love verbal communication and am not so keen on physical communication.
I met a gentleman, at the start of the session, who immediately told me that he was relieved because two of his fears were instantly dispelled: he was neither the oldest participant nor the only man. It made me realize that everyone comes to these sessions with some trepidation. For me I am comfortable when we begin organized activities that involve verbal interaction, or even listening to a presenter. But when we start doing any kind of physical interaction I clam up. In fact, we did so much interaction that my brain went into a lock-down mode. Heck, I have been taking the same yoga class with the same group of people for years and still get nervous when we have to do partner stretches.
Usually I'm super creative, highly interactive and very extroverted - I have to hold myself back from dominating the room. I'm a verbal performer. When we were asked to stand up, find a partner and touch palms I went beyond my stretch zone and nearly into panic. Panic fully hit when we had to stand in a group of four and touch fingertips "in creative ways" for about five minutes.
So, what I learned, is that I want to be able to occasionally offer a comforting touch - kind of how people reach out to you to make a point. That's something I'm not comfortable doing. But in terms of lots of extended physical communication - call me a physical introvert.
I met a gentleman, at the start of the session, who immediately told me that he was relieved because two of his fears were instantly dispelled: he was neither the oldest participant nor the only man. It made me realize that everyone comes to these sessions with some trepidation. For me I am comfortable when we begin organized activities that involve verbal interaction, or even listening to a presenter. But when we start doing any kind of physical interaction I clam up. In fact, we did so much interaction that my brain went into a lock-down mode. Heck, I have been taking the same yoga class with the same group of people for years and still get nervous when we have to do partner stretches.
Usually I'm super creative, highly interactive and very extroverted - I have to hold myself back from dominating the room. I'm a verbal performer. When we were asked to stand up, find a partner and touch palms I went beyond my stretch zone and nearly into panic. Panic fully hit when we had to stand in a group of four and touch fingertips "in creative ways" for about five minutes.
So, what I learned, is that I want to be able to occasionally offer a comforting touch - kind of how people reach out to you to make a point. That's something I'm not comfortable doing. But in terms of lots of extended physical communication - call me a physical introvert.
November 15, 2009
Retreat to Move Forward
The title of this post - Retreat to Move Forward - is a quote I once heard and it always sticks with me when I facilitate a retreat as I did yesterday for an arts organization. We were out in the Marin Headlands and it was the ideal setting for our session. After lunch we took a hike out to the beach and it was totally inspiring.
Prior to the hike I asked the group to think about goal setting - comfort, stretch and panic goals. As we walked I asked them to notice if there were times that they were in any of these zones and if so, what were the signs that alerted them that they were either in comfort, stretch or panic. As I hiked I realized that sometimes when I facilitate retreats I move in and out of all these zones. It is quite a challenge to facilitate an entire day, keep it flowing, finding the connections and having all the answers as to how to get un-stuck and move forward.
Thinking about this I realized that I need to figure out tactics that I have on hand to pull me back into the comfort and stretch zones in any challenging situation. All of us need these little comfort anchors - affirmations, reassurances, tools to keep us grounded in moments of panic. A friend posted on her Facebook update: To do something new you have to try something different. That's what I help my clients do when setting goals and I am going to take some time to challenge myself in the same way.
The title of this post - Retreat to Move Forward - is a quote I once heard and it always sticks with me when I facilitate a retreat as I did yesterday for an arts organization. We were out in the Marin Headlands and it was the ideal setting for our session. After lunch we took a hike out to the beach and it was totally inspiring.
Prior to the hike I asked the group to think about goal setting - comfort, stretch and panic goals. As we walked I asked them to notice if there were times that they were in any of these zones and if so, what were the signs that alerted them that they were either in comfort, stretch or panic. As I hiked I realized that sometimes when I facilitate retreats I move in and out of all these zones. It is quite a challenge to facilitate an entire day, keep it flowing, finding the connections and having all the answers as to how to get un-stuck and move forward.
Thinking about this I realized that I need to figure out tactics that I have on hand to pull me back into the comfort and stretch zones in any challenging situation. All of us need these little comfort anchors - affirmations, reassurances, tools to keep us grounded in moments of panic. A friend posted on her Facebook update: To do something new you have to try something different. That's what I help my clients do when setting goals and I am going to take some time to challenge myself in the same way.
January 6, 2009
Marin Headlands
Although not the best self portrait I did want to take a few moments and commemorate the day. I conquer a few major challenges getting to a Headlands Center for the Arts for a meeting in the Golden Gate National Recreation Area of the Marin Headlands this morning.
First, I drove my former boss's Mini Cooper. Super cool of her to let me borrow it and let me tell you that little vehicle packs power! Second, I drove over the Golden Gate Bridge without freaking out. The last time I drove it, probably three years ago, I had a meltdown - that control thing again. Now to ride my bike across and I'll be wondering what's left in my panic zone!
October 25, 2008
Don't Panic
That's my learning from this LA weekend. I totally pushed myself way beyond stretch goals into panic and despite the extremes I was able to concur all.
Vising Holly, my roommate from Sophomore year of Ithaca College was the first hurdle. We hadn't seen each other in 20 years. The funny thing is that we both still look 19 and even a bit alike with our long blond hair.
The next challenge was camping out as we prepared for our early morning ascent of Mount Baldy. I do not enjoy camping: tents, dirt, bugs, cold, no bathrooms, no light, and weird sounds, I have turned into an urban girl. But the camping also worked out.
Then the greatest challenge, climbing, for it was not hiking but actual steep climbing, Mount Baldy. Holly taught us a fantastic way to stay energized. She calls it the rest step and what you do is every five steps you rest for a moment with all your weight on your back foot. As the killer climb pushed us to our limits the five steps became my mantra. Holly kept insisting I rest but I was in a groove. Plus, if I stopped I worried I would never start again.
The climb down pushed me to my limits. The terrain is all tiny marble rocks on totally steep paths exposed to the elements. The trail was called The Devil's backbone. We climbed along the narrowest ridges with just this crazy marble surface and sometimes trees and bolders to anchor our steps. The views were both amazing and terrifying. One wrong move and you were taking the fast route down.
The final challenge was the chairlift that brought us down the final 4,000 ft. I shared a chair with Holly's friend Nancy who is my hiking hero. she proved she could climb the mountain and her strength inspired me not to be scared on the chair.
I'll post photos when I get to a computer. We're driving back to Holly and Dylan's place for showers, drinks, hot-tubbing and kabbabs...and giving my blisters some TLC.
Vising Holly, my roommate from Sophomore year of Ithaca College was the first hurdle. We hadn't seen each other in 20 years. The funny thing is that we both still look 19 and even a bit alike with our long blond hair.
The next challenge was camping out as we prepared for our early morning ascent of Mount Baldy. I do not enjoy camping: tents, dirt, bugs, cold, no bathrooms, no light, and weird sounds, I have turned into an urban girl. But the camping also worked out.
Then the greatest challenge, climbing, for it was not hiking but actual steep climbing, Mount Baldy. Holly taught us a fantastic way to stay energized. She calls it the rest step and what you do is every five steps you rest for a moment with all your weight on your back foot. As the killer climb pushed us to our limits the five steps became my mantra. Holly kept insisting I rest but I was in a groove. Plus, if I stopped I worried I would never start again.
The climb down pushed me to my limits. The terrain is all tiny marble rocks on totally steep paths exposed to the elements. The trail was called The Devil's backbone. We climbed along the narrowest ridges with just this crazy marble surface and sometimes trees and bolders to anchor our steps. The views were both amazing and terrifying. One wrong move and you were taking the fast route down.
The final challenge was the chairlift that brought us down the final 4,000 ft. I shared a chair with Holly's friend Nancy who is my hiking hero. she proved she could climb the mountain and her strength inspired me not to be scared on the chair.
I'll post photos when I get to a computer. We're driving back to Holly and Dylan's place for showers, drinks, hot-tubbing and kabbabs...and giving my blisters some TLC.
September 29, 2008
Rewriting the Script and Changing the Anchor
Since arriving back in San Francisco I've been out on the Bay for numerous water adventures. From sailing to kayaking the experiences have been a reclamation of sorts. Prior to moving away from San Francisco in 2005 I went sailing with friends and it was the beginning of a long journey into self-doubt. When given "control" of the boat I lost my cool and freaked out. This became a negative anchor for me as I moved on to Houston and then London. How could I act that way? How could I be so weak? What did my friends think of me? All those damaging scripts being played and re-played in my head.
In the past three months I've been back out on the Bay and this time I'm craving the challenges to push my physical limits. Sailing with friends on the same boat as 2005, I took the helm and guided us in and out of the Berkeley Marina. It was like writing a new script.
Yesterday I went for a full day sea kayaking class with California Canoe and Kayak in the Oakland Estuary. I wore the wetsuit purchased at a yard sale in June on my final day in DC. It was a tight fit and left no room for figure mystery. That was brave in itself. But the most exciting challenge was stepping past my stretch zone, into the edge of my panic, to deliberately capsize in the kayak while skirted into its cockpit. In other words, I was attached to the boat, upside down in salty water.
This was actually something I had done successfully as a teenager away for the summer at adventure camp in Colorado. But as I've gotten older the experience has become more of a personal urban legend as my fears of losing control took over. Yesterday was a big step to see if I could regain that strength and confidence. I did it! And once I had done it I insisted on capsizing and practicing again and again until I was black and blue, water logged and sunburned.
During our lunch break, Paula and Tim, the instructor and other student in the course, and I had a philosophical discussion about kayaking as a metaphor for change management. Paula shared with us that kayaking is really just placing the paddle in the water and moving the boat past it to a new place. The paddle stays still and the boat moves. This is difficult to visualize unless there are unmoving objects around the paddle, such as seaweed or floating wood. Only with those obstacles nearby can you see that the paddle is anchored and the boat gliding. We shared how this was true when promoting personal or organizational evolution. Lead with a gentle touch, ever so slightly correcting the path to move past the obstacles. Strength and bravado are not necessary.
This is the powerful metaphor I use in my personal inspiration of the Sleek Yellow Kayak. Paula gave me a choice of kayaks for our course and I chose a yellow one. The kayak became an extension of myself as we moved along the water playfully. It also became my lifeline as I clung to its side while capsized in the Bay. What a tremendously positive anchor around which I write my new script.
In the past three months I've been back out on the Bay and this time I'm craving the challenges to push my physical limits. Sailing with friends on the same boat as 2005, I took the helm and guided us in and out of the Berkeley Marina. It was like writing a new script.
Yesterday I went for a full day sea kayaking class with California Canoe and Kayak in the Oakland Estuary. I wore the wetsuit purchased at a yard sale in June on my final day in DC. It was a tight fit and left no room for figure mystery. That was brave in itself. But the most exciting challenge was stepping past my stretch zone, into the edge of my panic, to deliberately capsize in the kayak while skirted into its cockpit. In other words, I was attached to the boat, upside down in salty water.
This was actually something I had done successfully as a teenager away for the summer at adventure camp in Colorado. But as I've gotten older the experience has become more of a personal urban legend as my fears of losing control took over. Yesterday was a big step to see if I could regain that strength and confidence. I did it! And once I had done it I insisted on capsizing and practicing again and again until I was black and blue, water logged and sunburned.
During our lunch break, Paula and Tim, the instructor and other student in the course, and I had a philosophical discussion about kayaking as a metaphor for change management. Paula shared with us that kayaking is really just placing the paddle in the water and moving the boat past it to a new place. The paddle stays still and the boat moves. This is difficult to visualize unless there are unmoving objects around the paddle, such as seaweed or floating wood. Only with those obstacles nearby can you see that the paddle is anchored and the boat gliding. We shared how this was true when promoting personal or organizational evolution. Lead with a gentle touch, ever so slightly correcting the path to move past the obstacles. Strength and bravado are not necessary.
This is the powerful metaphor I use in my personal inspiration of the Sleek Yellow Kayak. Paula gave me a choice of kayaks for our course and I chose a yellow one. The kayak became an extension of myself as we moved along the water playfully. It also became my lifeline as I clung to its side while capsized in the Bay. What a tremendously positive anchor around which I write my new script.
June 30, 2008
Stretching out of your Comfort Zone without Panicking
Every hour I feel more re-connected to San Francisco. The first night was unsettling, having moved yet again. This morning I woke up feeling inspired and motivated to move into my stretch zone. The Zone System is an excellent way to work on goal building. Dewey Schott and I used it in our Personal Evolution: Peer Coaching Circles workshop at the Americans for the Arts convention in Philly last week.
I illustrate the zones as concentric circles. Comfort zone is in the center, stretch zone is the next circle out and panic zone is the furthest from the core. Here's how to think about each zone..
Comfort zone:
Living in the central circle, the core, a familiar, comfortable existence, even no taking any risks and perhaps maybe not getting any rewards - it may be comfortable but it may also be safer than stretching, but are you fulfilled? I visualize the comfort zone as being seated and perhaps evening shlumping.
Stretch zone:
Dewey calls it the breath-taking zone - moving beyond comfort and familiar in your goal setting to a more exciting, fulfilling and breath-taking place. I see this as getting out of that comfort chair and stepping behind it, moving outside that inner circle.
Panic zone:
Been there, lived that - the zone in which your goals are so overly ambitious or your situation so overwhelming and far from your comfortable core that you start to panic, shut down and run for your comfort zone.
How do you stay in the stretch without getting stuck too much in comfort and panic? Break down your goals into small accomplishable, controllable steps. Yes, keep that big picture vision and get there by seeing what actions you can take outside of your comfort zone to get you into your stretch zone.
This move to San Francisco is moving between all these zones. I keep saying to myself - you have your whole life to work towards your vision and it takes small steps to get there. I can hide in someone's spare bedroom for forever. I can have ginormous goals that put me into a panic or I can create a personal vision and take stretch zone steps to move in that direction.
I illustrate the zones as concentric circles. Comfort zone is in the center, stretch zone is the next circle out and panic zone is the furthest from the core. Here's how to think about each zone..
Comfort zone:
Living in the central circle, the core, a familiar, comfortable existence, even no taking any risks and perhaps maybe not getting any rewards - it may be comfortable but it may also be safer than stretching, but are you fulfilled? I visualize the comfort zone as being seated and perhaps evening shlumping.
Stretch zone:
Dewey calls it the breath-taking zone - moving beyond comfort and familiar in your goal setting to a more exciting, fulfilling and breath-taking place. I see this as getting out of that comfort chair and stepping behind it, moving outside that inner circle.
Panic zone:
Been there, lived that - the zone in which your goals are so overly ambitious or your situation so overwhelming and far from your comfortable core that you start to panic, shut down and run for your comfort zone.
How do you stay in the stretch without getting stuck too much in comfort and panic? Break down your goals into small accomplishable, controllable steps. Yes, keep that big picture vision and get there by seeing what actions you can take outside of your comfort zone to get you into your stretch zone.
This move to San Francisco is moving between all these zones. I keep saying to myself - you have your whole life to work towards your vision and it takes small steps to get there. I can hide in someone's spare bedroom for forever. I can have ginormous goals that put me into a panic or I can create a personal vision and take stretch zone steps to move in that direction.
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