Big changes in my life as I find continue to unlock my pathway.
All signs that I can unlock, be free, I am safe, sing...attunement.
I also have to note that the lock states "Master" with so many meanings.
Over the duration of this blog, since 2005, I have frequently identified a theme at the start of each new year with a post that states The Year of... That didn't happen in 2025. Now in 2026 I have a theme that brought itself to my attention over the past month.
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| Be Yourself |
This theme came into my awareness when I was invited to attend the play I and You by playwright Lauren Gunderson at CapStage in late December 2025. (Unfortunately, CapStage has removed their landing page for this incredible play that was not part of their regular season and was by far one of the best plays I have seen at this theatre.)
I will not spoil the ending of the play because it is shocking an absolutely worth seeking out if you want a cathartic theater experience. The backbone of the play is Walt Whitman's Leaves of Grass. Within days after seeing the performance I purchased a leather-bound edition of Whitman's book. For several weeks it has been sitting on my nightstand as I open it either before sleep or upon awakening to read a few stanzas. To be honest, I've been "stalled" at Song of Myself, feeling a bit guilty about not plowing through. However, now I know that this poem, and the entire book, is meant to be savored, not rushed - in the spirit of how Whitman wrote, published and continuously rewrote these freeform poems.
Finding MySELF
This morning I awakened to the beautiful white tule fog that has been embracing central California for months. During the holidays I became fond of calling it the yule fog. This morning I lounged in bed admiring the snowlike scene as trees emerged from the fog. Perfect time to reach over to my nightstand and read one of the books awaiting my return. The small pile currently includes Leaves of Grass and a couple of books by Dr. Richard Schwartz about the concept of Internal Family Systems theory. I picked up You Are The One You've Been Looking For and started to read. The paragraph concluded with a reference to Walt Whitman's Song of Myself. I said out loud, "no freaking way". No, I didn't sanitize this for the Internet, I literally said "freaking" because it was freaking weird that Leaves of Grass has been sitting on top of Dr. Schwartz's book for the past several weeks.
I love train travel and while riding I am inspired by the scenery. Over the past 5 years I've become a fan of Amtrak travel and have now travelled across the country three times by train. The views are inspiring. Plus, I've discovered a tribe of other train travel lovers that I consider my nomadic tribe.
Please visit my new blog: Scene From the Train ~ Contemplations of an internal life in an external landscape via rail journeys.
February 16, 2025 - Elkhart, Michiana, United States
(c) 2025 Amy Kweskin
February 17, 2025 - Kremmling, Eastern Rockies Corridor, United States
(c) 2025 Amy Kweskin
2024 is the Year of Circle Synthesis. A Circle is a complete ring and Synthesis is to place together and combine. My intention is to generate brilliance ~ the intense brightness of light ~ by integrating all the work I have been doing in my career and various practices. The key strategic themes will be steady balance, calm compassion, self-kindness, and core strength. This Circle Synthesis is a process and a product, both of which are yet to be determined.
Dahlia cat is pictured below sitting on my 8-sided graduation tam. I notice in these two images that Anne's hands are a circle around me and Dahlia cat is sitting in the tam's center. These images symbolize the integration of body, heart and mind. Eight is my favorite number because it is the fluid and flowing infinity symbol ~ a never-ending circle of synthesis.
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| Here I am at 2022 Thanksgiving morning 5K Turkey Trot in Virginia. |
The next BHAG on my list is to complete my Doctoral dissertation (Doctor of Business Administration) at Golden Gate University. I began this program in 2018 and have taken the slow and steady route of one course per semester. The pandemic allowed me the time to focus on this BHAG. Slow and steady wins the race.
UPDATE: I ran all 365 days in 2022 for a total of 1126.45 miles. The streak continues in 2023.
So, here's to you 2023, the Year of Accomplishing Big Hairy Audacious Goals!
See you at the finish line.
As 2022 approaches I have set a new year intention as I have done since 2009. My intention is Gentle Strength. This is a practice of taking the time to sit and notice what is in the moment. Gentleness is a soft touch. Strength is perseverance and agility. Separately, Gentle and Strength seem in opposition, but together they are a recipe for presence, awareness and compassion.
How I recognize moments of Gentle Strength is with my breathing. When my breath flows easily, freely and deeply I know that I have tapped into Gentle Strength. Discomfort can occur when moving towards this intention because it requires stillness. Sitting in stillness takes time to notice the body, mind and breath. This practice requires patience to melt away anxiousness, fear and doubt. For me stillness leads to release, relief and even joy.
This image I took in Stamford, Connecticut at Cove Beach, reminds me of Gentle Strength in that the weathered rocks yield to the fluidity of calm waters extending into the horizon where distant land joins the sky. Clouds above are thought bubbles moving through awareness. I imagine myself sitting on these ancient rocks as I overlook the Long Island Sound, breathing in synchronicity with the rippling water and breezy air. Headiness yields to grounding. My body, soul and spirit are warmed by sun beams and blessed by the fairy fleck of light seen in the bottom left corner.
Gentle Strength is here and now.
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| Utthita Hasta Padangustasana - Extended Hand to Big Toe Pose |
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| Vrksasana - Tree Pose |
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| Virabhadrasana III - Warrior Three Pose |
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| Parsvottanasana - Intense Side Stretch Pose |
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| Ardha Padmasana - Standing Half Lotus Pose |
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| Vasisthasana - Side Plank Pose |
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| Ardha Chandrasana - Half Moon Pose |
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| Garudasana - Eagle Pose |
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| Salamba Sirsasana - Supported Headstand |
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| Navasana - Boat Pose |
Netflix has a meditation series called Headspace featuring Andy Puddicombe. I happened across the program the other day and am grateful for the discovery. Andy offers a clear and accessible approach to meditation. His melodic voice pulls you into the words and simple animations pull you into the images. But really, the whole series could be a podcast because it is about the stories and techniques Andy shares.
Chilly morning with rain so Jazzercise was cancelled. Instead, I took a bike ride along the American River. Clouds opened up to reveal blue sky. The result was strong highlights and shadows. This view from under the bridge always catches my eye. Today it was more vibrant with the post-rain sunshine. The contrast between nature's infrastructure and human-made infrastructure is always of interest to me. Gratitude for this beautiful morning, an unexpected bike ride and giving myself permission to stop and take a photo.
Relief! Thank goodness for the inauguration of President Biden and Vice President Harris. The star of the event was Amanda Gorman. Her words, poise and bright yellow jacket brought sunshine of hope and a rise of excellence for our country. Gorman's poem The Hill We Climb will forever mark the opening of a new, better chapter for America.
Read about the family recipe for Fanny's Gefilte Fish.
Stepping out of my comfort zone is something that I do regularly when it comes to work and school. However, not so much with physical activities that move me close to discomfort. Navigating this disconnect between my ambitions, potential, values, and goals - and my areas of concern - is something that I've been working on for a few years. This weekend I took a big step, or should I say a big ride, as I biked up a very steep bridge (and back down on the return trip) and along the side of a steep canyon.
This is the mantra I sang to stay relaxed, at peace and moved me forward:
This is the best day of my life.
I kept repeating this out loud, with a positive attitude and a smile on my face. It worked! I did get a few side glances from other cyclists. Perhaps I inspired them with my mysterious song.
Took me a while, like 10 months, to realize that I am lonely. Wasn't lonely at first in the sheltering in place. But then I met a man, fell in love and he lives far away. So now, there is aloneness which is amplifying loneliness. Plus, just the general situation of being isolated in our homes and if you live alone, there is added isolation. The cat gives me love and sleeps on my heart but it isn't the same as human contact.
Of course I am not the only one having these feelings. The entire world is lonely these days. My gratitude is for recognizing and honoring this loneliness instead of being hard on myself for wondering why I feel this way. Loneliness doesn't impact my work but it certainly is amplified on nights and weekends. For the past 10 months I've literally thrown myself into work but after the holiday break, when there was quiet time for reflection, going back to working 24-7 feels like the road to burnout.
Here's to all of us, everyone, who is trying to persevere - meeting all levels of success and failure in the pursuit. I feel you.
This week a few of my students contacted me because there were some unfortunate errors I made on the e-learning platform. I appreciate these alerts because fixes need to be made, but also because that the students show care about the course.
Since sheltering-in-place I have made myself available to students through office hours, text and email. They tell me what is working and not working in the class. But also, they share with me some of the life successes, failures and challenges. My job isn't to fix, just to listen.
Although I am living life separated and physically isolated as we shelter in place, I am able to have one-to-one meetings, virtually, every day. Meetings are with clients, students, colleagues, family members, and friends. There's something about this online meeting reality that provides immediacy and focus. It works for me. I have developed new friendships and met all kinds of inspiring people over the past 10-months - all from the comfort of my home.
Yes, I am a professor, but I am also a student. Class started for me today at Golden Gate University in the Doctor of Business Administration Program. This is year two and I probably have another four years to go, which can be daunting when I think about it. However, I am in for the journey, the learning pathway and not rushing to earn the degree.
My first class assignment was to write a bit about why I am pursuing this degree. Seems so obvious but I had lost track of my motivation. The discussion forum post gave me the opportunity to sit down and reflect. It took me three hours and the time passed in what felt like 30 minutes. This was a chance to consider "the story of me" the why, what, how, where, when, and who of this journey. Here's the first two paragraphs of what I wrote:
This Saturday night I am in my kitchen cooking up meals for the week. Savory aromas and warmth of the oven make my home cozy. So grateful to have my own home that envelopes me in comfort. I never take this for granted as I have worked hard to be independent and to care of myself. Like a cat, I always land on my feet.
Received a text first thing this morning from my life-long friend Karen wishing me good memories on this special day. I took a moment to think about what made this day special. Then I remembered, Grammie's birthday. How could I forget after writing about this in yesterday's post?
Karen is a true friend for life. She actually tracks my Grammie's birthday.
I googled Grammie and discovered this article in the Connecticut Post featuring photos of Grammie (left), her passion for Mah Jongg and quotes from my mom!
Seems simple but it is so vital to be grateful for my life breath. Since starting the Veterans Yoga Project mindfulness resilience training earlier this week I have been practicing pranayama for extended periods each day. This is a breathing practice I studied when earning my 500-hour yoga teacher certification at The Yoga Room in Berkeley. Now, seven years after graduating, I am benefitting from the practice.
Surprisingly, I never learned, until this week, the physiology of breath, or the impact on the nervous system. One simple insight, your heart beat slows down with exhales, has completely changed how I am accessing my breathing to reduce anxiousness. Taking extended exhales relaxes my body, clears my mind, allows me to be present, and releases repetitive, circular thoughts.
I have previously shared this image from my 51st birthday - a glassblowing class I attended just before we moved into sheltering in place. It reminds me of the beauty my breath can create.