Took me a while, like 10 months, to realize that I am lonely. Wasn't lonely at first in the sheltering in place. But then I met a man, fell in love and he lives far away. So now, there is aloneness which is amplifying loneliness. Plus, just the general situation of being isolated in our homes and if you live alone, there is added isolation. The cat gives me love and sleeps on my heart but it isn't the same as human contact.
Of course I am not the only one having these feelings. The entire world is lonely these days. My gratitude is for recognizing and honoring this loneliness instead of being hard on myself for wondering why I feel this way. Loneliness doesn't impact my work but it certainly is amplified on nights and weekends. For the past 10 months I've literally thrown myself into work but after the holiday break, when there was quiet time for reflection, going back to working 24-7 feels like the road to burnout.
Here's to all of us, everyone, who is trying to persevere - meeting all levels of success and failure in the pursuit. I feel you.