The Year of Gentle Strength

As 2022 approaches I have set a new year intention as I have done since 2009. My intention is Gentle Strength. This is a practice of taking the time to sit and notice what is in the moment. Gentleness is a soft touch. Strength is perseverance and agility. Separately, Gentle and Strength seem in opposition, but together they are a recipe for presence, awareness and compassion. 

How I recognize moments of Gentle Strength is with my breathing. When my breath flows easily, freely and deeply I know that I have tapped into Gentle Strength. Discomfort can occur when moving towards this intention because it requires stillness. Sitting in stillness takes time to notice the body, mind and breath. This practice requires patience to melt away anxiousness, fear and doubt. For me stillness leads to release, relief and even joy. 

This image I took in Stamford, Connecticut at Cove Beach, reminds me of Gentle Strength in that the weathered rocks yield to the fluidity of calm waters extending into the horizon where distant land joins the sky. Clouds above are thought bubbles moving through awareness. I imagine myself sitting on these ancient rocks as I overlook the Long Island Sound, breathing in synchronicity with the rippling water and breezy air. Headiness yields to grounding. My body, soul and spirit are warmed by sun beams and blessed by the fairy fleck of light seen in the bottom left corner. 

Gentle Strength is here and now. 

Stopped Dragging My Heart Around

While driving home to Oakland from my school in Sunnyvale this past Wednesday I had a moment of panic. It was a familiar feeling that I haven't had in over two years - one of anxiety. It felt like I couldn't stay on the road and I was going to crash. Thankfully, the feeling passed after a minute. What I was left with was the sense of having some kind of premonition - not something I can describe but my intuition was pulsating.

That night I had interesting dreams, as I always due, however, one dream woke me up at 3:48am and I felt literally awakened - like coming out of a cloud. Suddenly a sadness I had been carrying with me for a while had clarity - no longer was it a feeling but rather logic. It was like my mind opened up and I could see the big picture. Since that awakening, I have felt so much happier, relaxed, certain, confident, and people having been saying that I am beautiful.

Ultimately, I realized that I attach my heart to people who are so needy and then I get hurt because it is not me who they need. Actually, having my heart open and sensitive in that way is more than hurtful when these people are unavailable - it is like dragging my heart around behind a crazy motorcycle or a drunken sailor. The clarity I am experiencing is having broken away from some of these relationships. Now my heart is nestled in me and not extended to hurtful people. Perhaps this is love and compassion for me.