March 28, 2009


Reading this blog and following my adventures one might not believe that I am a cautious person. Cautiousness is a realization I had this week when thinking about my closest friendships. I've been thinking in particular how I am very cautious about touching people and letting them touch me. My friends know that when someone reaches out to me I instinctively pull away. It is a reaction I would like to change and I'm not sure where it comes from but it is not new.

Recently I was sitting very close to my friend Nicole at a jazz club and our knees were just about touching. I was using all my strength to hold my knee back from touching hers. She actually leaned over to me and said, "I feel strange but I'm holding my knee back so that it doesn't touch yours, because I know you aren't comfortable with that kind of touching. Is it OK if my knee touches yours?" This wasn't some kind of come-on it was a friend being sensitive to my sensitivities.

I wonder what is at the root of this cautiousness about touching?