Forget those red carpet pre-shows. How painful to watch them blabber on about nothing or say painfully stupid comments like, "you don't know how to look bad." So instead I tuned into the Dirty Jobs on the Discovery Channel. I laughed out loud when the host had to jerk off a horse and then inseminate the female. What a trooper.
Back to the Oscars. I paced myself with food - all comfort favorites off course. Began with Hummus and chips, moved on to edemame, peaked with Mac and Cheese and took it over the limit with apple crisp and ginger ice cream. All accompanied with red wine.
Okay, dresses - make sure your dress looks good when you're sitting down or if the screen is showing you in medium close-up. Hair has to be big when the dress is super big and that translates as very strange - very Texas or Long Island. What's that thing on Charlize's shoulder?
Face lifts are exaggerated so Dolly Parton please consider this next time. Oh, your face hurt and the white tuxedo outfit during the musical performance was really hard to view - are her insides extracted? Maybe her insides are packaged in that weird thing on Charlize's shoulder?
The tattered dress looks like something from Santino's colleciton on Project Runway.
All and all it was a great evening of indulgence. My sweatpants and stained sweatshirt made the scene.
