The Year of Being Present

Since 2009 I have set an intention for each year. First it was The Year of Amy, then in 2010 it was The Year of Living My Dreams and this year has been The Year of Balance. For 2012 my intention is The Year of Being Present.

Being Present means using my senses. My default is to think about the past and future, building fantasies. This is essential to who I am because I am a creator, imaginer, facilitator, and teacher. However, my intention for 2012 is to stay grounded in the present by using my senses and experiencing what is happening in the moment. At the same time, I will tap into my strong intuition to Be Present in how each sense contributes to my Being. My habit has been to be lost in ideas, not sensing how I am being impacted in the present, ultimately missing the moment.

Examples of using my senses include:

• Seeing others and knowing that I am being seen. It has taken me 42.10 years to realize that I think that people do not see me and that I am cautious about making eye contact. 
• Hearing and knowing that I am being heard. Speaking deliberately, clearly, thoughtfully, and allowing time and space for others to do the same - students, friends, family, and even strangers. 
• Touching and allowing myself to be touched. For example, when a friend reaches out to tap my forearm to make a point or get my attention. I've started leaning into these touches instead of instinctively pulling away.
• Tasting and savoring what I eat. This is an inspiration from my sister's blog post: Eating in Sacredness. Slow down, enjoy and honor what I taste and smell. 
• Feeling and recognizing emotions. Sometimes my emotions can be overwhelming or confusing; Being Present with what I am experiencing and honoring those emotions is my intent. The same is true with others' emotions. I do not have to fix them or take them on, just allow the other person to know that I see them, hear them, respect them, and perhaps I can even reach out and touch them. 
• Slowing down. I think fast, move fast, act fast, and respond quickly. I wear these actions like a Badge of Honor for Cleverness. This is the perfect ingredient for being wrapped up in me with no room for seeing, hearing, touching, tasting, or feeling what is happening now. As another of my inspired yoga instructors, Vickie Russell Bell, says "Notice, what is happening now?"

My sister's blog post, Eating in Sacredness, has a wonderful statement about my niece Being Present. "Chetana makes the sign for "butterfly" when she sees a beautiful painting for the first time or when she points excitedly in the store at a book on the shelf and says "boon boon" having recognized a-just-like-home copy of "Goodnight Moon," or stands up in her bed first thing in the morning making kissing sounds to let us know she's awake...well, life is full of beautiful details."

How am I going to practice Being Present? In my Advanced Yoga Studies program we learned a 12 breaths exercise to prepare for Pranayama. It sounds deceptively simple, you pause, take 12 natural breaths in and out, and just observe without altering your breathing. This is harder than you can imagine and the result is that the observation of these 12 breaths grounds you in the moment. 

On the Edge of the Unknown

This evening I took a yoga class at Piedmont Yoga Studio, located conveniently a street away from my apartment, with instructor Vickie Russell Bell. Vickie has such a wonderful way about her - strong, clear, funny and grounding. During her class I feel stronger as we progress through poses and find a relaxing bliss in savasana pose.

Throughout the practice she had us reflect on 2009 by asking us to consider four questions.
1) What surprised you in 2009?
2) What went well?
3) What didn't go well?
4) What did you learn?
Contemplating these questions throughout the practice was a powerful way to close-out the year. To conclude the class Vickie read us an excerpt from a Joseph Campbell writing. I've always thought he was New-Agey-Flaky but I don't think I've ever previously heard his work. I wish that I could recall the book she read from so that I could access the exact quote but it went something like this...

Being on the edge of darkness in the forest, we do not know the path. If there is a path we take, it is someone else's path we follow and not our own. To be truly inspired you must take your own path.

This reminded me of one of my favorite poems, The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost.

Robert Frost: The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

For the past couple of years I've been taking my own path, without any road map or instruction. It is very scary at times and that makes sense, this path has never been forged before, at least by me. I have to assess the markers and determine if each step I take is safe. Often they are not, but being strong and brave, I find my way. Sometimes it feels like I'm pushing way past my comfort zone and dip into panic. Yoga and meditation are allowing me to find that calm that is often so fleeting.