September 24, 2011

Thoughts on Recovering from Divorce

Being married, even if you are in an unhealthy relationship, becomes familiar. Knowing your routine, and how your partner fits into your daily patterns, even if painfully, is reassuring. Going through divorce is a process of stepping out of this familiar dance and taking on new behaviors, choices and actions. This takes bravery.

As you are newly divorced and moving into the world of dating, there is a desire to step immediately into a committed relationship, one that provides the same familiarity of what marriage had to offer. This feels safe because you know the routine. However, I believe that you need time to really fall in love with yourself before you fall in love with someone new. New divorcees are often on a fall-in-love mission and will take whatever steps they can to make love happen.

It has taken me three years to recognize that no person is going to make my life safe, complete and satisfying. Yes, that is the ideal of love and no, I do not want to come across as a skeptic. But, defaulting into love is skipping over the most important steps of recovering from divorce; knowing, loving and accepting yourself.

Interacting with divorcees, I am now able to recognize the love-intention that I am sure I displayed immediately after being divorced. Divorcees are needy, and it makes sense. We gave up familiarity and we want reassurance and stability. The good news is that it can be found, within ourselves. Take the time to pamper yourself, recognize that you are gorgeous inside and out, and that you are worth your own love.