September 12, 2011

42.5 Confluence

On Thursday, September 8, I felt like I was riding a wave, more like a tsunami of emotions. As the day progressed I developed a throbbing headache and then a dizzying stomach ache. This was happening in class so I focused on helping my students with their lab work while barely being able to hold my head up. On the BART ride home, we had another protest which resulted in an overcrowded, hot, slow train. The perfect mix for feeling even worse. Thankfully, I knew that my friend Hisun would be meeting me on the other side of this long river ride.

What was going on? It felt like all my emotions were crashing into each other. Hisun listened to me thoughtfully as I relayed a litany of extreme challenges of "Amy" from the previous few days. We talked about how being strong, independent women takes a lot of work. Does it mean constantly having to deal with confrontation and conflict at every turn? That's what was on my mind - setting my parameters and taking care of myself.

At 42.5, I am constantly course correcting my journey, learning from interactions and building up a travel journal of lessons. This is hard work, but necessary. The stomach and head ache double-hit was the confluence of all these learning streams.

Today I have reached a calm point in my travels. It was a noticeable moment when this storm was over as I sat peacefully in a circle amongst the teachers and new students embarking on the Berkeley Yoga Room's Advanced Studies Program. There I sat, relaxed with a straight spine, amongst people who are also charting their own courses. We all exuded excited, nervous energy as we shared our inspirations for joining the program. Many of those inspirations were teachers who were sitting in the room. We were deepening our Community of Practice. It was a fitting way to commemorate 9-11. A ten year journey has resulted in my taking the rudder and riding with the wind.