August 30, 2010
The NPR reporter discussed how humans are tuned to creating scenarios and that we perceive our lives as novels with opening and closing chapters. Unlike other species, we look for greater meaning, our higher purpose. This is why great civilizations have been built. However, in each of our journey's there are occurrences that take us away from our story line and cause us to rewrite the next chapter.
I think that it is the unknown that causes so much anxiety. Going with the flow is not easy, especially if you have an active, creative imagination such as I do. What I have been teaching my students is that you can't write each sentence, you need to articulate your greater intention, your vision.
Sometimes distractions take away our focus. For me it is the piling on off too many commitments. They all seem important and certainly interesting but they become obstacles that interfere with my intention. I suppose I can teach as many topics as I do because of all these various paths I've taken. however, I wonder of this tendency to load-it-on is an effort to fill in the blanks in the story and to relieve the anxiety of the unknown.
Meditation, which I have been exploring lately, offers a respite from story telling. It is an opportunity for my mind to pause and rest. Now that I discover moments to meditate I have less anxiety, although it is an ongoing discovery of letting go.
August 29, 2010
When I returned, the kayak store owner took my payment and then handed the cash back to me saying, "you know, you're going to get a free kayaking session today because you are so pleasant and calm. We love nice customers." What a treat to receive this generosity, especially as I was thinking, out there on the water, that I am living my dreams - kayaking, teaching at an Art Institute and sharing my time with quality people. Such a lovely weekend of pleasure.
August 28, 2010
August 27, 2010
August 23, 2010
August 21, 2010
August 20, 2010
What I'm recognizing in the process is my own intuition, which, I suppose, is what allows me to be so observant. I never really understood what it meant to say, "my intuition tells me" and I still have a long way to go to fully understand. Intuition is seeing patterns and drawing conclusions. In the Meyers-Briggs Type Indicator, the opposite is sensing - using your five senses to take in and process information. Of course, most people are a mix of both.
My intuition is very strong and now I am learning to listen to it and responding. When I don't, my body and mind step-it-up and say to me, "take care of yourself." This was the case when I was living in the UK and had developed all kinds of phobias. It wasn't the UK itself that was causing these, it was my personal situation, being frustrated and feeling out of control. The conflict in my psyche was playing out. The more I tried to make myself OK with my situation, the more phobias I developed. As soon as I removed myself from the situation, the phobias disappeared.
This summer I have been somewhat hiding away, being introverted. Yes, I am extremely extroverted, but as one of my extroverted students pointed out, our type needs downtime. All the energy I am putting into teaching is demanding that I find balance in decompressing. At this point that is happening when I sit in front of the computer in the wee hours of the morning and the late hours of the night grading papers, creating lesson plans and responding to emails. Really, these are not great ways of relaxing my intuition tells me.
Earlier this week I had a strong reaction to a new friend's communications via email. We haven't known each other very long but we are developing strong rapport quite quickly. There was something "off" in the email and it impacted me. I was using my intuition, looking at our communication patterns, and my reaction was "something is out of sync." All week I let my intuition ponder my reaction. I kept expecting an email from my friend saying that something is wrong. When I did get an email, my friend told me they are having a difficult time this week. I knew I was recognizing a "blip" in the pattern. All I could do was respect their situation, where in the past I would have tried to solve it.
Now I head off to class where I am substituting for my co-teachers and will have 75 students to "read".
August 19, 2010
Come by tonight to the Women's Building at 3543 18th Street in San Francisco between 5:30-6:30 to see a rehearsal and to meet the artists in a curbside conversation. I will be there with chocolates in hand for our viewers.
Building Dance from Andy Miller on Vimeo.