August 8, 2009

Sleepless Sleepless Sleepless

I've now had my third sleepless night. So much rushing and repeating in my mind - even with meditation and yoga. How easily I can go from feeling anchored to afloat. Suddenly I feel so unrooted here. This worries me - that I attach myself to someone else and when they are gone I am adrift.

Last night I started thinking I need a dog. They are so loyal through thick and thin. There's a great deal of responsibility that goes along with them but they will stand by your side, well, if trained. Then I had all kinds of guilt dreams about leaving Tika the Cat behind when I moved to London.

Should I just keep wandering? What will help me be settled? Hobbies would help. A plan would also help. For the past three months this plan has been based on another person's planning and I easily tagged along and made it my path. That's not OK. I have a very difficult time making plans for myself beyond a few months. The future is so unclear.

I have so many friends and family who have rallied for me over the past few days and I know that I am much loved. But again I am adrift...