December 3, 2008

Indecision and Chronic Illness

Last night I had the opportunity to hangout with Liz, Nicole's friend who is a chiropractor. Last time we were together was in London when Liz was visiting from Barcelona and Nicole from San Francisco. Both Liz and I are now back in San Francisco and as with out first meeting this one was just as profound.

Liz is beyond a free spirit. I would call her a free radical. When we met in London she was bouncing off the walls, literally. But then she sat down next to me, put her hand on my back and I felt this unexpected surge of warmth. sometimes when all around me is chaos I imagine that warmth and instantly relax.

Chatting with Liz she bestowed another gem. "Chronic illness comes from indecision, causing endless suffering, but it can be reversed." This reminds me of what I am learning through Buddhist meditation. Trying to hold on to something or even pushing it away results in suffering.

I am working on letting go of the painful past which I keep revisiting over and over to figure out the clues that will help me understand what went wrong. I am doing the same with a few current situations as well. This causes me headaches and stomachaches. Is this really how I want to live my life, noodling over what I wish was or wasn't?

My goal is to be more decisive and to be present with the intention of living healthily in mind, body and soul.