The Kweskin Report

My First Book (Chapter) is Published!

2012-02-01T08:06:00.000-08:00

I have written a chapter on strategic planning in the 2nd edition of Business of Art: An Artist's Guide to Profitable Self-Employment which was released in January, 2012.

The book is published by the Center for Cultural Innovation.

165 pages. $24.95 plus shipping through the Center for Cultural Innovation.

Now Available: The all-new 2nd edition of CCI’s ground-breaking resource guide, providing you with key knowledge, tools and resources to help you advance your art practice. This book reflects CCI deep commitment to the artistic community and our belief that knowledge is power.

My fellow C2Arts associate, Yesenia Sanchez, wrote a chapter on Finance. I'm so proud of us!

The Best of Macworld?

2012-01-27T14:51:00.000-08:00

Running into a former student who now works for a tech company. He is happy, relaxed and has found his niche. Success.

I lasted 29 minutes in this crazy place and now I'm heading back to Oakland.

The previous post image was of a skier doing a flip in the middle of the show. Between him and the nearly-naked promo girls, I get the picture that this is about catching men's eyes.

What Does This Have to do with Polk Audio?

2012-01-27T14:35:00.000-08:00

Crazy Speakers

2012-01-27T14:31:00.000-08:00

It seems contrary but my eyes are able to rest on bling at this information-overload show. These are speakers by Alljack.

Macworld Bling

2012-01-27T14:21:00.000-08:00

I'm at Macworld takin in all the noise. Here's rev350's blingiest iPhone cases.

On My Own versus Alone

2012-01-24T10:07:00.000-08:00

Today I had a personal messaging realization - that I live life on my own versus alone. It may seem like an issue of semantics but the meaning makes all the difference. Alone to me says lonely. On my own is about being individual, strong, independent, and making a choice.

Old Video

2012-01-23T21:53:00.001-08:00

Check out this old video of me at the Americans for the Arts Conference at least two years ago. Wow, I look different now.
Messaging the Mission from Americans for the Arts on Vimeo.

Sticky Toffee Pudding

2012-01-21T19:58:00.000-08:00

I'm at the Edinburgh Castle in San Francisco and to kick off Burns Supper I made a full meal for my friends. We had fish pie, miner's stew, haggis, and sticky toffee pudding gluten-free no less. My Scottish friends would be proud of me.

What is the future of marriage?

2012-01-21T07:11:00.000-08:00

The New York Times has created a forum for the debate on open marriage framed around

The Gingrich Question: Cheating vs. Open Marriage. This topic has had much discussion and exploration amongst my circles of friends. The following commentary by Professor Ralph Richard Banks best describes my point of view.

Reprinted from the New York Times.

The Perils and Promise of Openness

Ralph Richard Banks, the Jackson Eli Reynolds professor of law at Stanford Law School, is the author of "Is Marriage for White People? How the African American Marriage Decline Affects Everyone."

JANUARY 20, 2012

Many couples do not always practice the sexual monogamy they promise. Sexual affairs and the accompanying deceit often lead to spousal discord and eventually divorce.

Yet, some people think that extramarital sex may bolster marriage. They believe that some couples, rather than chase an arguably unrealistic ideal, might fare better with an open marriage, an arrangement that supposedly would leave the couple both more sexually fulfilled and better able to maintain the trust that illicit affairs destroy. Could infidelity, often cast as the downfall of marriage, in fact be its savior?

Most single Americans want to marry their soul mate. But the surest road to discord, sexual and otherwise, is to expect your partner to complete you.

For most couples, in our society, no. The same expectations that leave people dissatisfied with their relationship also make it difficult for an open marriage to thrive.

Contemporary marriage revolves around the ideals of emotional intimacy and interdependence. More than simply an economic arrangement or a parenting partnership, marriage is also the relationship that people hope will satisfy their most intimate emotional and psychological needs. Most single Americans,according to survey data, want to marry their soul mate, that one individual who most complements, completes and fulfills them.

Sexual exclusivity is at the heart of marriage in part because sexual intercourse implicates the sort of emotional intimacy that animates marriage. Even those who claim to want an open marriage are often less than enthused about their spouse taking advantage of that sexual freedom.

The paradox of marital satisfaction is that people would almost certainly be happier if they expected less. The surest road to discord, sexual and otherwise, is to expect your partner to complete you, to make you whole.

If couples relaxed or relinquished some of their emotional expectations, marriages could better accommodate extramarital dalliances. But then, there would also be less need for them.

Extrinsic and Intrinsic Motivation

2012-01-16T09:11:00.000-08:00

For the past few months my posts have been a bit skimpy. That's because I have a lot on my mind that has been quite private. Yes, there is a private side of Amy. I've been thinking a lot about intrinsic and extrinsic motivation, something my students and I discussed at the end of last quarter in Executive Leadership. We had a good conversation about what exactly this means - I equated it with extroversion-extrinsic and introversion-intrinsic being personal touch points. The exploration encouraged me to again ground myself in the Year of Being Present.

What I am recognizing is that extrinsic motivation keeps me from being present. It is that desire for recognition which often leads to my fantasizing about past scenarios that did or did not "go my way". Of course this is primarily love, near-love, imagined-love, and lost-love. I noticed that I have a physical "tell" when I am in this lala love zone - my eyes tighten, my brow furrows, and if pursued long enough, I get a headache and heartache.

A new technique I am using to pull back to the present is to relax the inner corner of my eyes and my inner ears. Two yoga instructors inspired these exercises - Gay White and Vickie Russell Bell. I equate them with Neuro-Linguistic Programming - and they work instantly to pull me into the here-and-now.

Intrinsic motivation is highly abstract for me. What I've discovered is that focus on my breath keeps me in the present. Yes, fantasies sneak in and pull me outward but then I realize that my head and my heart are all wrapped up in an emotional soap opera far from the current reality. It is like searching for little points of pain that I can massage for meanings that were previously unclear. But wait, that's not living in the present. I release my eyes and ears, notice my breath and then I am back to the present moment.

Grounding in the present is new for me. I suppose that being a pisces somewhat explains my fluidity. Focusing on anchoring my breath in its full pathway, through the diaphragm, is helping me have internal touch points. Also, recognizing that this is a process of new-learning is helpful in giving myself permission to be present without judging. I am also taking the time to make deeper contact with people by really looking them in the eyes, listening with focused ears, pausing to give them space to talk and for me to listen, and feeling their touch.

On Saturday I had two interactions with Michaels who gave me opportunity for grounding. One is a Michael from yoga. He and I have been in yoga classes together for years. At our regular Saturday morning class we assisted each other in preparing for bridge pose. As he put his hands on my triceps and helped me stretch, and vice versa, I closed my eyes and noticed the touch instead of worrying about being touched. I felt the release of muscles, the fluttering of fingers and the intention of being supportive.

Later that evening I was at a play in San Francisco and ran into another Michael who has been part of my arts management life for years. We do not see each other very often and when we do I instantly feel his calm and warm presence. He is solid, grounded, joyful, smiling, and supportive - by being present and in-the-moment. In the few minutes that we talked he recalled exactly the last time we had seen each other six months earlier - me in a red convertible riding through the Mission yelling and waving "Michael!" He told me on Saturday, "I got the point". That made me laugh. What was the point?

Muir Beach

2012-01-15T15:22:00.000-08:00

Kayaking and Tugging

2012-01-13T13:27:00.000-08:00

Cool shot of a tugboat getting a cargo ship out into the bay.

Me and Leah at Cafe Trieste

2012-01-13T11:01:00.000-08:00

Oakland: Top 5 Place in the World to Visit in 2012

2012-01-10T12:55:00.000-08:00

According to the New York Times, Oakland ranks just after London and before Tokyo in the 45 Places to Go in 2012. The secret is out!

5. Oakland, Calif.
New restaurants and bars beckon amid the grit.

Tensions have cooled since violence erupted at the recent Occupy Oakland protests, but the city’s revitalized night-life scene has continued to smolder.
The historic Fox Theater reopened in 2009 and quickly cemented its status as one of the Bay Area’s top music venues, drawing acts like Wilco and the Decemberists. Meanwhile, the city’s ever more sophisticated restaurants are now being joined by upscale cocktail bars, turning once-gritty Oakland into an increasingly appealing place to be after dark. James Syhabout, the chef who earned Oakland its first (and only) Michelin star two years ago at Commis, followed up in May with the instant-hit Hawker Fare, a casual spot serving Asian street food. Big-name San Francisco chefs are now joining him. Daniel Patterson (of two-Michelin-star Coi) opened the restaurant Plum in late 2010 and an adjacent cocktail bar later, and another restaurant, called Haven, in the recently renovated Jack London Square last month. INGRID K. WILLIAMS

Easing Back into Reality

2012-01-05T18:52:00.001-08:00

After nearly three weeks of vacation, I am revving up to start my teaching quarter. Today was filled with syllabus development. I tend to get complicated with my assignments and rubrics so I keep reminding myself to keep it simple sister. All these great ideas turn into endless hours of grading.

This quarter I'm teaching In House Promotions, Principles of Marketing Research, Business Ownership, Public Relations and Promotions and my favorite, Executive Leadership. My intention is to run these classes like a business operation where I am the boss. This is going to be a stretch since I resist authority. So, both my students and I will be working hard this quarter.

Kayaking on the Oakland Estuary

2012-01-04T11:56:00.000-08:00

New Kayaking Outfit

2012-01-04T08:39:00.001-08:00

Here's my new wetsuit for kayaking. Very excited to be an all-weather gal. I like how this photo makes me look like I'm in my dresser.

Jury's Out

2012-01-03T11:04:00.000-08:00

Thankfully I do not have to report for Jury Duty and have fulfilled my obligation for one year. Now I can settle in to my last week of vacation. Although, this week is actually filled with preparing syllabuses.

New Years with the Cousins

2012-01-01T00:19:00.000-08:00

How lovely to start 2012 with my cool Zisman cousins. Good sign for things to come.

Finding Balance on New Year's Eve

2011-12-31T13:46:00.000-08:00

Since I proclaimed 2011 to be the Year of Balance I found it fitting that I went kayaking this morning on the Oakland Estuary. It was a peaceful reminder of how much balance I have found in 2011.

Balance of life-work
Balance of body in yoga
Balance of breath in pranayama
Balance on the water
Balance in trusting my intuition
Balance in teaching and learning
Balance in loving who I am and loving others
Balance in sharing experiences with friends, family and on my own

My intention is to carry forward this balance as I welcome 2012, The Year of Being Present.

Filling in the Blanks in Memory Lane

2011-12-30T17:59:00.001-08:00

This evening I'm in a town in which I lived four lifetimes ago. As Ij drive down each street it is like a painting that has faded, being filled in with renewed details and colors. Unexpectedly, the emotions are flooding back too.

Driving past my old apartment I had to stop and catch my breath. My life was so different then. I lived so poor and had no vision for the future. It was a sad time. My life is so much more illuminated now. Thankfully I am fearless about change. Otherwise, what and who would I now be if I continued living that life, or the subsequent others?

Santa Arrived!

2011-12-29T14:39:00.001-08:00

New yoga props and kayaking gear. Let the fun begin!

Yoga Mats on a Line

2011-12-27T13:04:00.000-08:00

My fellow yogi Lisa and I are washing yoga mats this afternoon and here they are drying on a clothes line. We're having fun in this secret Oakland yard of a Victorian filled with gardens, ceramics and a beautiful black cat. Feels like I'm back on Ithaca.

Ants on an Anthill

2011-12-26T18:35:00.001-08:00

That's what our group looks like in this photo from today's Bolinas hike.

Hiking in Bolinas

2011-12-26T18:34:00.001-08:00

The Year of Being Present

2011-12-22T08:40:00.000-08:00

Since 2009 I have set an intention for each year. First it was The Year of Amy, then in 2010 it was The Year of Living My Dreams and this year has been The Year of Balance. For 2012 my intention is The Year of Being Present.

Being Present means using my senses. My default is to think about the past and future, building fantasies. This is essential to who I am because I am a creator, imaginer, facilitator, and teacher. However, my intention for 2012 is to stay grounded in the present by using my senses and experiencing what is happening in the moment. At the same time, I will tap into my strong intuition to Be Present in how each sense contributes to my Being. My habit has been to be lost in ideas, not sensing how I am being impacted in the present, ultimately missing the moment.

Examples of using my senses include:

Seeing others and knowing that I am being seen. It has taken me 42.10 years to realize that I think that people do not see me and that I am cautious about making eye contact.
Hearing and knowing that I am being heard. Speaking deliberately, clearly, thoughtfully, and allowing time and space for others to do the same - students, friends, family, and even strangers.
Touching and allowing myself to be touched. For example, when a friend reaches out to tap my forearm to make a point or get my attention. I've started leaning into these touches instead of instinctively pulling away.
Tasting and savoring what I eat. This is an inspiration from my sister's blog post: Eating in Sacredness. Slow down, enjoy and honor what I taste and smell.
Feeling and recognizing emotions. Sometimes my emotions can be overwhelming or confusing; Being Present with what I am experiencing and honoring those emotions is my intent. The same is true with others' emotions. I do not have to fix them or take them on, just allow the other person to know that I see them, hear them, respect them, and perhaps I can even reach out and touch them.
Slowing down. I think fast, move fast, act fast, and respond quickly. I wear these actions like a Badge of Honor for Cleverness. This is the perfect ingredient for being wrapped up in me with no room for seeing, hearing, touching, tasting, or feeling what is happening now. As another of my inspired yoga instructors, Vickie Russell Bell, says "Notice, what is happening now?"

My sister's blog post, Eating in Sacredness, has a wonderful statement about my niece Being Present. "Chetana makes the sign for "butterfly" when she sees a beautiful painting for the first time or when she points excitedly in the store at a book on the shelf and says "boon boon" having recognized a-just-like-home copy of "Goodnight Moon," or stands up in her bed first thing in the morning making kissing sounds to let us know she's awake...well, life is full of beautiful details."

How am I going to practice Being Present? In my Advanced Yoga Studies program we learned a 12 breaths exercise to prepare for Pranayama. It sounds deceptively simple, you pause, take 12 natural breaths in and out, and just observe without altering your breathing. This is harder than you can imagine and the result is that the observation of these 12 breaths grounds you in the moment.

Winter Solstice

2011-12-21T11:19:00.000-08:00

How ironic that last night at my cousin Diana's Chanukah party we were talking about the winter solstice and today I find myself, completely unexpectedly, at a meridian calendar. To arrive here i had to first show up to do my cleaning of the yoga studio and a find a class in session. So, I ventured out the Berkeley Marina for a walk. I took a path I never before explored, up a little hill to view the Bay, and here I find myself at a meridian calendar. This is exactly what I need to prompt me to look forward as I was becoming a bit sad about the past.

View From School

2011-12-20T09:03:00.000-08:00

I love that our school is located on Market at 7th. One last day of school meetings and then the stay-cation begins. Notice the linearity of the shadows from both the pedestrians and the cars in this sunrise photo.

Svadhyaya: Self and Study

2011-12-19T21:32:00.000-08:00

Tonight in our final Standing Poses class session, of the yoga Advanced Studies Program, Gay White read portions of our papers out loud as we were in restorative poses. This was a wonderful way to listen and absorb the ideas of our classmates and to reflect on our own writings. Here is my paper.

Svadhyaya is the Niyama I am selecting to explore inrelation to the Standing Poses class because it reflects my intention forparticipating in the Advanced Yoga Studies program. Through the practice ofyoga it is my goal to develop a deeper understanding of both myself and of mycommunity. According to B.K.S Iyengar, the meaning of Svadhyaya means self andstudy or education.

A statement Iyengar makes that resonates with me is, “Whenpeople meet for svadhyaya, the speaker and listener are of one mind and havemutual love and respect.” I take this to have two meanings. The first is thatyou are both teacher and student when learning about yourself. The second isthat when you are learning from another, or providing instruction, you shouldhave compassion for the other, and for yourself. This becomes a conversationthat can at times be spoken instruction and other times a silent exploration ofself.

This dynamic internal and external dialogue has taken placefor me in this course because of the challenges of the poses and learningSanskrit. Standing poses are some of the most difficult because they involvebalance, often while rotating. This becomes a mind game at times, where you areboth teacher and student, talking yourself into, and sometimes out of, beingable to move into a pose.

The benefit of taking this class with a group of people andbeing instructed, is that we are creating a community of practice. The learningprocess is highly supported, allowing us to find balance both in our poses andin our student/teacher internal/external dialogues. We are here to support eachother in finding balance.

I believe it is essential for us to struggle through thelearning of both poses and Sanskrit. Adopting these new movement and languagevocabularies are almost a right of passage that must be explored in order toadvance our understanding of the Asanas, as well as understanding ourselves. Itis not a simple journey.

As Iyengar states, “Philology is not a language but thescience of languages…Yoga is not a religion by itself. It is the science ofreligions, the study of which will enable sadhaka the better to appreciate hisown faith.” As students we are on that same journey in the Advanced StudiesProgram. We are following the path of learning and adopting new movements, newunderstanding and new languages. At the same time we are teaching andsupporting each other as we build our community of practice.

Through this Standing Poses course I have found newunderstanding of myself. My strength has increased, my understanding of Yogahas improved, and my faith in my teaching and learning has developed. Insteadof pushing away from a challenge, I embrace it and look to my peers and myinstructor for deeper meaning. It is this combination of being student andteacher that allows me to understand how much there is to learn.

Bush Yoga

2011-12-18T20:45:00.000-08:00

I am studying for my Sanskrit standing poses test tomorrow and through my research found this very amusing website that has a plastic doll of former President George W. Bush practicing yoga in full fatigues. Here he is in Utthita Hasta Padangusthasana - Extended Hand and Big Toe Pose.

Vacation Irony

2011-12-18T07:44:00.000-08:00

The glory of it, nearly three weeks of stay-cation and what do I get in the mail? Jury duty notification for January 3. Well, at least I don't have to change any travel plans. Let's hope the court lets me work on my syllabi while sitting in the juror waiting area.

Have you married, dated or worked for a Gaslighter?

2011-12-15T07:38:00.000-08:00

The following article A Message to Women From a Man: You Are Not Crazy, by Yashar Ali, is copied from Huff Post Women. In it Ali explores the concept of Gasighting - being manipulated to think that you are crazy for reacting to inappropriate behavior. I am learning how to recognize these interactions and am no longer tolerating them. This is hard work, but necessary. I'll be honest, I've had women and certainly students implement these hurtful tactics, likely I have also been a Gaslighter on occasion. I pledge to do it no more.

***

You're so sensitive. You're so emotional. You're defensive. You're overreacting. Calm down. Relax. Stop freaking out! You're crazy! I was just joking, don't you have a sense of humor? You're so dramatic. Just get over it already!

Sound familiar?

If you're a woman, it probably does.

Do you ever hear any of these comments from your spouse, partner, boss, friends, colleagues, or relatives after you have expressed frustration, sadness, or anger about something they have done or said?

When someone says these things to you, it's not an example of inconsiderate behavior. When your spouse shows up half an hour late to dinner without calling -- that's inconsiderate behavior. A remark intended to shut you down like, "Calm down, you're overreacting," after you just addressed someone else's bad behavior, is emotional manipulation, pure and simple.

And this is the sort of emotional manipulation that feeds an epidemic in our country, an epidemic that defines women as crazy, irrational, overly sensitive, unhinged. This epidemic helps fuel the idea that women need only the slightest provocation to unleash their (crazy) emotions. It's patently false and unfair.

I think it's time to separate inconsiderate behavior from emotional manipulation, and we need to use a word not found in our normal vocabulary.

I want to introduce a helpful term to identify these reactions: gaslighting.

Gaslighting is a term often used by mental health professionals (I am not one) to describe manipulative behavior used to confuse people into thinking their reactions are so far off base that they're crazy.

The term comes from the 1944 MGM film, Gaslight, starring Ingrid Bergman. Bergman's husband in the film, played by Charles Boyer, wants to get his hands on her jewelry. He realizes he can accomplish this by having her certified as insane and hauled off to a mental institution. To pull of this task, he intentionally sets the gaslights in their home to flicker off and on, and every time Bergman's character reacts to it, he tells her she's just seeing things. In this setting, a gaslighter is someone who presents false information to alter the victim's perception of him or herself.
Today, when the term is referenced, it's usually because the perpetrator says things like, "You're so stupid," or "No one will ever want you," to the victim. This is an intentional, pre-meditated form of gaslighting, much like the actions of Charles Boyer's character in Gaslight, where he strategically plots to confuse Ingrid Bergman's character into believing herself unhinged.
The form of gaslighting I'm addressing is not always pre-mediated or intentional, which makes it worse, because it means all of us, especially women, have dealt with it at one time or another.
Those who engage in gaslighting create a reaction -- whether it's anger, frustration, sadness -- in the person they are dealing with. Then, when that person reacts, the gaslighter makes them feel uncomfortable and insecure by behaving as if their feelings aren't rational or normal.
My friend Anna (all names changed to protect privacy) is married to a man who feels it necessary to make random and unprompted comments about her weight. Whenever she gets upset or frustrated with his insensitive comments, he responds in the same, defeating way, "You're so sensitive. I'm just joking."

My friend Abbie works for a man who finds a way, almost daily, to unnecessarily shoot down her performance and her work product. Comments like, "Can't you do something right?" or "Why did I hire you?" are regular occurrences for her. Her boss has no problem firing people (he does it regularly), so you wouldn't know from these comments that Abbie has worked for him for six years. But every time she stands up for herself and says, "It doesn't help me when you say these things," she gets the same reaction: "Relax; you're overreacting."

Abbie thinks her boss is just being a jerk in these moments, but the truth is, he is making those comments to manipulate her into thinking her reactions are out of whack. And it's exactly that kind manipulation that has left her feeling guilty about being sensitive, and as a result, she has not left her job.

But gaslighting can be as simple as someone smiling and saying something like, "You're so sensitive," to somebody else. Such a comment may seem innocuous enough, but in that moment, the speaker is making a judgment about how someone else should feel.

While dealing with gaslighting isn't a universal truth for women, we all certainly know plenty of women who encounter it at work, home, or in personal relationships.

And the act of gaslighting does not simply affect women who are not quite sure of themselves. Even vocal, confident, assertive women are vulnerable to gaslighting.

Why?

Because women bare the brunt of our neurosis. It is much easier for us to place our emotional burdens on the shoulders of our wives, our female friends, our girlfriends, our female employees, our female colleagues, than for us to impose them on the shoulders of men.

It's a whole lot easier to emotionally manipulate someone who has been conditioned by our society to accept it. We continue to burden women because they don't refuse our burdens as easily. It's the ultimate cowardice.

Whether gaslighting is conscious or not, it produces the same result: It renders some women emotionally mute.

These women aren't able to clearly express to their spouses that what is said or done to them is hurtful. They can't tell their boss that his behavior is disrespectful and prevents them from doing their best work. They can't tell their parents that, when they are being critical, they are doing more harm than good.

When these women receive any sort of push back to their reactions, they often brush it off by saying, "Forget it, it's okay."

That "forget it" isn't just about dismissing a thought, it is about self-dismissal. It's heartbreaking.
No wonder some women are unconsciously passive aggressive when expressing anger, sadness, or frustration. For years, they have been subjected to so much gaslighting that they can no longer express themselves in a way that feels authentic to them.
They say, "I'm sorry," before giving their opinion. In an email or text message, they place a smiley face next to a serious question or concern, thereby reducing the impact of having to express their true feelings.

You know how it looks: "You're late :)"

These are the same women who stay in relationships they don't belong in, who don't follow their dreams, who withdraw from the kind of life they want to live.

Since I have embarked on this feminist self-exploration in my life and in the lives of the women I know, this concept of women as "crazy" has really emerged as a major issue in society at large and an equally major frustration for the women in my life, in general.

From the way women are portrayed on reality shows, to how we condition boys and girls to see women, we have come to accept the idea that women are unbalanced, irrational individuals, especially in times of anger and frustration.

Just the other day, on a flight from San Francisco to Los Angeles, a flight attendant who had come to recognize me from my many trips asked me what I did for a living. When I told her that I write mainly about women, she immediately laughed and asked, "Oh, about how crazy we are?"
Her gut reaction to my work made me really depressed. While she made her response in jest, her question nonetheless makes visible a pattern of sexist commentary that travels through all facets of society on how men view women, which also greatly impacts how women may view themselves.
As far as I am concerned, the epidemic of gaslighting is part of the struggle against the obstacles of inequality that women constantly face. Acts of gaslighting steal their most powerful tool: their voice. This is something we do to women every day, in many different ways.

I don't think this idea that women are "crazy," is based in some sort of massive conspiracy. Rather, I believe it's connected to the slow and steady drumbeat of women being undermined and dismissed, on a daily basis. And gaslighting is one of many reasons why we are dealing with this public construction of women as "crazy."

I recognize that I've been guilty of gaslighting my women friends in the past (but never my male friends--surprise, surprise). It's shameful, but I'm glad I realized that I did it on occasion and put a stop to it.

While I take total responsibility for my actions, I do believe that I, along with many men, am a byproduct of our conditioning. It's about the general insight our conditioning gives us into admitting fault and exposing any emotion.

When we are discouraged in our youth and early adulthood from expressing emotion, it causes many of us to remain steadfast in our refusal to express regret when we see someone in pain from our actions.

When I was writing this piece, I was reminded of one of my favorite Gloria Steinem quotes, "The first problem for all of us, men and women, is not to learn, but to unlearn."
So for many of us, it's first about unlearning how to flicker those gaslights and learning how to acknowledge and understand the feelings, opinions, and positions of the women in our lives.

But isn't the issue of gaslighting ultimately about whether we are conditioned to believe that women's opinions don't hold as much weight as ours? That what women have to say, what they feel, isn't quite as legitimate?

This piece originally appeared on The Current Conscience.

Follow Yashar Ali on Twitter: www.twitter.com/yashar

The End of Marriage?

2011-12-14T06:20:00.000-08:00

NPR states that, "When it Comes to Marriage, May Say, 'I don't'" in this radio podcast which shares the findings of a Pew report. "Half a century ago, nearly 60 percent of 18- to 29-year-olds were married. Today, it's just 20 percent. But the Pew report finds fewer married people across all age groups. In their place: more singles, single parents, couples living together — many having children without marrying. In fact, some 40 percent of all U.S. births are now to unmarried mothers. But the driving force in the dropping marriage rate? People who do tie the knot are waiting longer than ever."

"The Pew report finds the median age when people finally walk down the aisle is at an all-time high — 26 for women and nearly 29 for men. And it's higher still for the college educated. On the other hand, for those who do marry, there's an upside to waiting, at least for women. Coontz says for every year a woman delays marriage — into her early 30s — she reduces her risk of divorce."

I'm constantly pondering this question and it feels good to know that I am not alone in questioning the longevity of marriage, especially for GenXers.

Incognito in San Francisco

2011-12-09T12:56:00.000-08:00

TED Talk on Gratitude by Louie Schwartzberg

2011-12-07T05:49:00.001-08:00

Back in Oakland

2011-12-04T22:29:00.000-08:00

I'm always so happy to return to my apartment filled with all things Amy.

Snow in Denver

2011-12-04T17:51:00.000-08:00

But I can only see it from the airport terminal window. My first snow of the season.

Hottest Guys on the London Tube

2011-12-04T05:18:00.001-08:00

The New York Times pointed me to this fantastic blog called TubeCrush which has photos of hot guys who are riding the London Tube. The photos are secretly snapped and posted by women. Bring this to BART!

This is What I Really Look Like

2011-12-03T10:35:00.001-08:00

Mandeep took this photo of me after I had a momentary meltdown seeing a photo of me that made me look 50. Hello, I am still 42 for three more months.

Arrived in DC

2011-12-02T14:41:00.000-08:00

After a very productive and fun set of meetings in Atlanta. Met some amazing colleagues and feel inspired.

Self-Portrait Atlanta

2011-12-01T16:34:00.000-08:00

Me in the hotel lobby waiting for my aunt and uncle to meet in Atlanta.

Off to Atlanta

2011-11-29T08:19:00.000-08:00

For a school task force meeting to set the curriculum for our bachelors degree in Advertising. Plus, a short visit with family.

Pop-up Stores in Oldtown Oakland a Brilliant Idea - reprinted from The Bay Citize

2011-11-29T06:37:00.001-08:00

By CATHERINE TRAYWICK, OAKLAND NORTH |November 28, 2011 11:06 a.m

You’re familiar with the idea: seasonal retail shops that suddenly materialize in once-vacant storefronts to sell Halloween costumes in October. Christmas trees in December. Remaindered calendars come January. More recently, big box shops have pounced on the idea of flash retail as well; to promote its Rodarte clothing line a couple of years ago, Target launched Target to Go—mini-shops in carefully selected locations that opened and closed within three days. Google is cashing in on the trend, too—opening temporary retail spaces in airports this fall to hand-sell its new cloud computing laptop.

Now in Oakland, restaurateur Alfonso Dominguez and urban planner Sarah Filley are taking the pop-up concept to a new level. In December, they’re opening a pop-up neighborhood: three downtown blocks of temporary retail shops that showcase local designers, artists and goods.

The six participating stores—which range from clothing and crafts to bicycles and art—will occupy currently vacant spaces for six months, rent free, and try to turn a profit. If they succeed, they’ll sign a long-term lease with the building, which spans four city blocks of the Old Oakland district downtown; and what began as an experiment becomes a bonafide shopping district. That’s the idea, anyway.

Dominguez and Filley are calling the venture “popuphood.”

“The central idea is to use the rapid startup of a popup, but instead of doing one store here and there, we want to actually nurture small businesses and cultivate a critical mass,” said Filley. “A thriving retail district, basically.”

A designer named Douglas Burnham did something similar in San Francisco, opening a cluster of restaurants and retail shops inside 26 modified shipping containers arranged on an empty lot in Hayes Valley. But the difference, according to Dominguez and Filley, is that popuphood is a long-term plan for neighborhood revitalization, while Burnham’s project was meant to be fleeting.

The stores will share a building with one of Dominguez’s other ventures, a restaurant and tequila bar called Tamarindo, on 8^th Street and Broadway, not too far from a taqueria he owns. So he, admittedly, has a vested interest in bolstering the neighborhood’s profile and economic outlook.

After watching store after store shutter windows and close up when the economy took a downturn in 2008, Dominguez worried that the vacant storefronts would never fill up.

“People were too scared to open retail,” he said. “And they saw me being the only one here. It was really hard.”

Then he had an idea: What if a group of like-minded business owners banded together to fill the empty spaces, cooperatively market their stores, and together mitigate the risks of starting up a new business?

Inspired, he teamed up with Filley, a friend with experience in urban planning and public art innovation, who helped him put together a business proposal to present to the city’s redevelopment agency and the owners of the building, Peter Sullivan Associates.

“It happened really fast,” Dominguez said. “We were a little like, ‘Whoa, can we pull this off?’”

Within a matter of months, they had secured permits and a marketing grant from the city of Oakland, and worked out an arrangement with the owners, who were happy to donate the space.

“Many of these spaces have been vacant for a year or more,” Filley said. “So for (the property owners), it’s no risk. And the tenants are offering to improve the spaces, and make it work for them.”

Three of the shops—Marion & Rose’s Workshop, Manifesto Bicycles and Sticks + Stones—will open early to host holiday sales for “Plaid Friday,” an indie alternative to Black Friday.

But the grand opening of all six—one of which, a furniture shop, will be housed inside a repurposed shipping container in the parking lot behind the building—is December 9. Dominguez and Filley are hosting a block party from 12pm to 9pm, on 9^th Street, in collaboration with neighboring businesses and restaurants, including Trappist bar and B restaurant.

Besides introducing Oaklanders to the stores, they’re hoping the block party will reacquaint residents with the charm of Old Oakland: the Victorian architecture, mature trees and brick-lined walkways.

“It’s historic and it’s gorgeous,” Filley said. “It also has highest transit and walk scores in the city of Oakland, and there’s a free shuttle that goes from the ferry all the way to the arts district. Its really a big head scratcher as to why this neighborhood hasn’t taken off already.”

Brian Kendall, an urban economic analyst with Oakland’s redevelopment agency, helped Dominguez and Filley secure city funding for the project, from façade improvement grants to marketing money for the grand opening.

“It’s definitely an experiment and I will be really curious to see where it goes,” Kendall said of the venture “it exposes these areas to the possibility of what could be. What does Old Oakland want to be?”

He argues that Popuphood, like Oaklandish and Awaken Café, may bring the “cool factor” to downtown Oakland, which was once dominated by “mom and pop” shops and vacant space, he said.

To say the least, the shops Dominguez and Filley “curated” for popuphood are eclectic and hip: Manifesto sells custom fixed gears. Piper & John General Goods offers vintage clothing, jewelry and “reclaimed” décor. Crown 9 is an artisanal jewelry store. Sticks and Stones art gallery will open an accompanying retail shop. And in a shipping container behind the building, you’ll find Turtle & Hare, an design-and-build furniture shop.

But apart from its trendy offerings, Kendall said Popuphood’s greatest strength will be its founders’ ability to market the project, set themselves apart from other area businesses and reach people who wouldn’t normally go downtown to shop.

“People will travel for restaurants and bars,” Kendall said. “But people aren’t necessarily going to travel for shoes.”

But Filley is optimistic.

“The restaurants and bars around here are fantastic and have a following, so the only thing missing in this neighborhood is retail,” she said. Clustering shops, restaurants and bars can benefit everyone involved, she added.

“Knowing that you have other neighbors that are doing it with you, that can bring marketing and foot traffic and followers was really the tipping point for a lot of them,” Filley said of the other business owners. “To know that you can pool your resources together and ask ‘Where do you get your sign made? How do you use Iphone commerce?’…That’s valuable.”

Source: The Bay Citizen (http://s.tt/14jLc)

Sing Along Sound of Music

2011-11-26T18:55:00.000-08:00

At the Castro Theatre with Hisun and enjoying the Wurlitzer!

Scariest Street in San Francisco

2011-11-25T22:24:00.001-08:00

I unfortunately just walked down Jessie Street between 5th and 6th in San Francisco at 10pm. Since I am friendly and foolishly fearless, I asked some very scary folks for directions to the dance club at which I am meeting my friend Lynn. Thankfully these folks were very friendly and I was personally escorted by one man. As we walked down the very active alley he told me not to worry because the worst I would see is people smoking crack. As we chit-chatted during our journey one lively character said I was a hot one. Suddenly I realized that I could be on the way to a very unhappy ending. Thankfully, my escort brought me to the club door and I gave him a tip. Unfortunately, they would not let me into the club until Lynn arrives since her name is on the VIP list and she could be bringing someone else. They then turned away from me as if I were dirt. That was pretty crappy after my escort had demanded that I get special treatment. When they told me I had to wait in the Alley all I could think was that my luck could run out.

So, I am now eating a very expensive dinner at a nearby restaurant as I wait for Lynn. Usually I am in bed at this hour.

Alice's Restaurant

2011-11-24T12:47:00.000-08:00

Listening via Skype with my family in CT and me in Oakland.

Grateful for Tomorrow's Leaders

2011-11-22T06:51:00.001-08:00

Every night before I go to bed I think about the day and reflect on the "roses" - meaningful interactions with friends, fellow yogis, co-workers, or even strangers. This practice puts a beautiful ending on each day and helps me sleep better. You may notice that in my list of roses, I did not include students. This is because when I leave the classroom I deliberately close the door on thinking about my 100 students.

However, the first thought I had this morning when I awoke was about the work my students did in yesterday's Executive Leadership class. Their assignment was to create six criteria by which they would determine if someone is a Level 5 leader, defined by Jim Collins, the author of Good to Great, as person "who operates first and foremost with genuine humility." The students were assigned to then use their criteria to evaluate a leader of their choice to determine if in fact this person were a Level 5 leader. When I explained the in-class assignment there were long sighs and rolling of eyes from half the class. The other half of the students moved quickly into groups and immediately started sharing ideas about leaders they wanted to evaluate and the criteria they would use to create their evaluation system.

As I listened to the working groups and watched how the teams interacted I noticed that the enthusiastic teams were deep in conversation and studiously researching on the Internet. I heard "yes!" and "aha!" as they shared ideas and drew conclusions. At one point a student in a group at the far end of the room said, "should they demonstrate compassion and empathy?" and I sang across the room, "Excellent!"

At the end of class the groups presented their conclusions and I was absolutely blown away by the quality of the work. The students had thoughtfully created evaluation criteria. Then they had either imagined that they were the leader answering their questionnaire or they found quotes by and about the person that allowed the team to rate his or her leadership qualities.

Some of the teams went further, demonstrating thought leadership and professionalism that I rarely see in people twice their age. I am grateful that these students went beyond the obvious, challenging their assumptions about what makes someone a great leader. It warms my heart to know that in a few years these students will be out in the world making a difference.

In the November 21, 2011 edition of The New York Times, the article "A Serving of Gratitude May Save the Day" by John Tierney discusses various research studies that indicate gratefulness can improve your spirits and your health. Yesterday's teaching experience has inspired me to add my students to the list of roses on which I will reflect before sleeping each night. My definition of roses is now expanding to gratitude - a reflection on moments from the day for which I am grateful.

My Favorite Mistake by Ricki Lake

2011-11-18T07:47:00.001-08:00

This piece by Ricki Lake, featured in the latest edition of Newsweek, reminds me to love myself first and not try to "find a relationship" for love. Ricki was already at the top of my list of amazing women because of her hard work on Dancing with the Stars where she demonstrates integrity and generosity - clearly an open-hearted woman.

My Favorite Mistake

Nov 13, 2011 10:00 AM EST

Ricki Lake on falling hard for a jerk she met online.

When I was single two years ago, I decided I wanted a boyfriend for my birthday. My friends thought I was crazy for online dating. For somebody famous, it’s weird anyway to meet someone, because they have a preconceived notion of who you are. There was something anonymous that I liked about being online.

I found this narcissist online and started a whirlwind relationship where I was delusional. I was with a guy who was a total user and liar. He was English and considered himself a poet. He was more charismatic than physically beautiful, but I became infatuated with him very quickly. I was out of my mind in some ways. I wanted it so badly. I lost all clarity. I met with an immigration lawyer. I was going to marry him so he could get a green card. I even went to England with him and met his mother.

He was such a bad guy. I was the only one who didn’t see the signs. I found out from my housekeeper that he would be nice to my children in front of my face but would cringe about them behind my back. When we went to dinner, he was notorious for ordering the most expensive thing on the menu. He wanted me to introduce him to my agent. I have been on my own since I was 18, but I was letting this guy tell me what to do.

Ricki Lake., Art Streiber

After six weeks, I looked in the mirror and didn’t recognize myself. I had lost all sense of who I was. I realized it was not working. As soon as I saw the light, it was over. I didn’t cry a tear about this guy. I dumped him. The next day, I caught him with another woman on Facebook. This woman was a friend of a friend, and she had posted a new profile of her cheek to cheek with this guy. I was like, “Oh, my god! He left me and went to the beach with her!” I was in shock.

I was going to make a documentary called Six Weeks of Poor Judgment, but I never did. I learned my own value. It’s not about having someone. It’s about having the right someone. I reached a point where I thought, Look, I need to be my own advocate. Two years later, I’m with the most amazing man who is absolutely right for me. I’m getting married next year. He’s selfless and kind, and he’s not looking to further his career through his lover. I’m with the right person. I had to go through a couple of dirtbags to get to him.

On the Cable Car

2011-11-15T11:32:00.000-08:00

I love sometimes being a San Francisco tourist.

Being Generous with Touching

2011-11-14T21:18:00.001-08:00

I'm quite shy about people touching me, unless of course I am romantically involved with the person. But now that I'm in the Yoga Advanced Study Program, taking anatomy and standing poses, I am feeling the benefit of touch. A simple placement of your hand on a partner's ribcage can awaken their body to lengthen into a pose or even relax in an area. I'm also starting to wear tighter and fewer clothes to class so that it is easier for my classmates to see my anatomy and help me improve my poses. It is nice not to think about being too fat or lumpy - none of us think that way. We see past the superficial and are noticing alignment and structure.

I feel that this yoga practice requires generosity and I believe that will be my theme for next year. Generosity can be applied to me and how I treat myself and of course how I treat others. This is my intention for 2012.

I Don't Understand Occupy Oakland

2011-11-14T10:34:00.001-08:00

According to the SFGate.com article "cops dismantle Occupy Oakland, arrest 32, a protester stated the following:

"If they take over the camp, we're going to reoccupy. Our objective is for them to keep spending money. We are not going to stop."

Whose money does the protester think the city is spending? This is not fat cat money, this is taxpayer money. Every penny the city spends related to the Occupy Oakland protest is money that is not going to maintaining and perhaps improving the city itself. The 99% lose out in this protest if the objective is to spend taxpayers' money in this way.

New Chickens

2011-11-13T16:48:00.000-08:00

My friend Leah's new chickens are the perfect experiment in urban farming.

Jim Kweskin at Freight & Salvage

2011-11-12T22:30:00.000-08:00

Awesome, once again.

In Honor of 11.11.11

2011-11-12T10:12:00.001-08:00

To celebrate the date I had a couple of lovely women over to my place last night for dinner. Rachel brought me her Spinal Tap dolls which are now on loan for dating inspiration. Looks like I will attract a rocking dude into my life with the karma of these three characters.

Spare Change for a Frappuccino?

2011-11-10T07:06:00.001-08:00

That's what a homeless man asked me outside the Starbuck's on Market at 9th. He was already holding a frappuccino! Now that's what I call customer loyalty and word-of-mouth marketing.

La Raza Chronicles Radio Archive

2011-11-09T17:01:00.000-08:00

If you want to hear me on KPFA's La Raza Chronicles talking about Flyaway Productions' 10 Women Campaign on November 8, visit this link. I'm on at about 35-40 minutes into the show. It was a good broadcast. Too bad the host butchered my name. Then again, I butchered the Spanish language.

Goal for 2012: Learn to speak Spanish!

Inside the KPFA Studio

2011-11-08T19:32:00.000-08:00

Getting ready to be on the air at 88.1FM.

Hear Me on La Raza Chronicles Tonight

2011-11-08T07:11:00.000-08:00

This evening I will be representing Flyaway Productions on the radio during KPFA's La Raza Chronicles, 7pm at 94.1FM and 89.3FM. Now to learn Spanish in the next twelve hours.

Organized Oakland

2011-11-05T21:35:00.000-07:00

We are getting a tour of this ad hoc city. There is a library, infirmary, kitchen, compost area, kids zone and more. I am amazed.

Occupy Oakland

2011-11-05T21:27:00.000-07:00

Deanne and I are in downtown Oakland so we checked out the cold, wet scene. Seems peaceful this evening.

Gluten Free Mac and Cheese

2011-11-04T18:34:00.000-07:00

I made my first creamy, baked Mac and Cheese with quinoa pasta, basil, butter, masa flour (!), for cheeses and lots of dry vermouth. Plus, turkey bacon. Oh yes, life is good.

Les Femmes du Maroc

2011-11-04T15:34:00.001-07:00

My friend Margaret and I wandered past the Jenkins Johnson Gallery off of Union Square this afternoon and were stopped in out tracks by the photography of Lalla Essaydi. You can view her images here: http://www.artnet.com/artists/lalla-essaydi/

There is no easy way to describe her work except that it gives you goose bumps - both for its poetic beauty and because you have to wonder what life entails for the women who are literally captured in her images.

Owning a Food Truck

2011-11-03T10:41:00.001-07:00

Food Trucks use to be called roach coaches but now they are the hottest trend in small businesses with high earning potential. I love the idea that you can cook it up and serve out on the move. The concept combines travel and culinary while building community. Plus, it taps into the extreme excitement I felt as a child, and still experience, every time I see "the ice cream man".

This is a photo of the food trucks circling at UN Plaza in preparation for Thursday's market. Cuisines range from Kung Fu Tacos to BBQ and Cupcakes.

Now to design my ideal food truck.

Oakland Riot Cat

2011-10-28T09:23:00.000-07:00

When police dispersed the Oakland Occupy Wall Street protestors, a photojournalist captured this image of an officer petting a cute cat. Creative folks picked up the image and have now established the Oakland Riot Cat blog with images that feature variations on the headline. A peaceful moment during a contentious situation.

Work-Study

2011-10-25T18:28:00.001-07:00

As part of my Advanced Yoga Training I am doing a work-study exchange. This is both a humbling and awareness building exercise. Today I helped to clean the studio, which will be my job on Tuesdays. It seems appropriate to clean on Tuesday when I was just using the studio on Monday. Suddenly, each dust bunny, smudge on the wall and carpet stain have been amplified whereas before I didn't pay them much attention.

I believe that work study is an important experience, a rite of passage. It helps you be part of a larger system and to be accountable to your teachers. Instead of the assumption that you are owed an education, you have to earn it, as you would hope to earn respect and additional responsibility.

Three Years Have Flown

2011-10-21T22:58:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting here browsing through my blog and am amazed at how fast three years have passed since I've returned to the Bay Area. Actually, it is closer to 3.5 years. Living in England feels like a different lifetime, and yet recent as well. Currently I'm reading Ian Mcewan's book Saturday, set in my old neighborhood in London. Flashbacks.

Plus, noticing I lost a lot of weight, although I never thought I was heavy. A happier life means better health. 42.5 is treating me very well. There is nothing I would change about who I am or what I am doing.

My life has landmarks and one is Before London and After London. There are many before-and-afters, which I'll tuck away for a while.

No Food Allergies

2011-10-21T14:27:00.001-07:00

I'm shocked.

Allergy Testing

2011-10-21T14:07:00.000-07:00

A few months ago my friend Masha was chatting with me about allergy testing. Our discussion peaked my interest and today I am getting tested for food allergies. Here's my hand early-on in the test. Whatever I am allergic to will turn into a big bump. Very exciting because I love to watch for reactions.

Standing Around

2011-10-21T12:13:00.000-07:00

You never know what you'll see on the streets of Oakland.

FOMO: Fear Of Mission Out

2011-10-18T07:36:00.000-07:00

In every class I teach the greatest point of contention between me and my students is their constant texting, IMing and Facebooking. Throughout the class I have to continuously monitor their under-the-desk, behind-the-bag use of technological communications. This is a constant drain of my energy and takes focus away from the class discussion.

Unfortunately, I get it, as I too am addicted to checking my electronic communications. Thankfully, I am over the Facebook addiction, but not emailing and texting. What's at the root of this communications addiction? FoMo - Fear Of Missing Out. What if I miss an important email or text? From whom, I ask myself, and about what?

The constant checking actually causes me anxiety. Thoughts that cross my mind include:

--What if I receive a text, respond and then don't hear back from that person for minutes, hours, days, or weeks? Should I keep checking my phone every 30 seconds?

--What if I receive an email from a friend with lots of details about their current concerns and I don't have the time to read it and properly respond? Will they be checking their phone every 30 seconds?

--What if I receive a message from someone unexpected and I need to contemplate a response, leaving the message unanswered for minutes, hours, days, or weeks? Will they forget about me, get upset and think our friendship over, or move on to someone who is more available?

In an attempt to break my addiction, I've started locking my phone in the car or leaving it behind when I am out and about. To rationalize this action I tell myself, "when I get back to the phone, some new communications will have cooked-up and I will be inundated with new emails and texts." But really, why do I care, or even want that much communication? Most often I turn to the phone when I am in the middle of focused work, it offers a break. The result is that I get off track. It feels like eating a back of chips in the middle of an invigorating hike.

So, my goal is to be more present with what I am doing in the moment, as opposed to endlessly checking my phone for what other people are doing. This intention is essential for stopping FOMO because it is becoming REMO - Really Missing Out.

Innocent Loves Notes

2011-10-17T07:14:00.000-07:00

I am receiving all kinds of "love notes" at work - quite innocent. This morning in my in-box was an invitation to a house party with colleagues. Then, sitting at my desk, I opened the drawer and there was a little glass 3D monster figurine with a note saying "Hi Amy! I'm Darwin - Love Me!"

Both of these brought a smile to my face, especially when arriving at work at 6:55am, in the dark.

Beautiful California

2011-10-15T15:05:00.000-07:00

Another view of the ocean.

Yurt Views

2011-10-15T13:37:00.001-07:00

Life inside a Yurt. Imagine living with this view of the Pacific Ocean.

Slide Ranch Kid Time

2011-10-15T13:00:00.000-07:00

I'm at Slide Ranch with a friend and her toddler, playing with lots of kids as they practice singing their ABC's. If only my mom were here she would be in heaven. We're overlooking the ocean just beyond Muir Woods.

Congratulations to the other Amy Kweskin

2011-10-14T18:00:00.000-07:00

There is only one other Amy Kweskin, Associate Vide Chancellor for Finance at Washington University in Saint Louis, and she made the news today. Go Amy! (She's on the left.)

From Classroom to Boardroom

2011-10-14T17:00:00.000-07:00

Now that I am a full time instructor and also a consultant, I am experiencing the benefits of using the classroom as a petri dish for concepts that can advance business in the boardroom. For example, I am now using a book called Business Model Generation with my Business Ownership students. Each of my students is designing their own business plan, using the Business Model Canvas, and I have to be flexible enough to coach each one of them in advancing their ideas. I then take what I have learned and bring it to my clients. No, I don't share the students' intellectual property, but rather, I am able to be apply the business development planning concepts we explored in class to the clients who are building their business in real-time.

I have put this experiment into reverse practice when using a facilitation format called a Fishbowl. This collaborative approach to idea generation and consensus building is a wonderful format for engaging diverse stakeholders. In the past couple of years I have facilitated fishbowls for private clients and gatherings of membership organizations. Last quarter I put it into practice in the classroom. We brought together two groups of students to discuss the role of social media in public relations and advertising. The students loved being able to share their ideas, be heard amongst their peers and to draw conclusions about their own habits and behaviors.

This back and forth between classroom and boardroom gets my facilitation juices flowing - from idea to practice and dream to reality.

Reel SF - Blog of Movie Locations

2011-10-14T07:32:00.000-07:00

Through The Bay Citizen, I learned about the blog Reel SF written by CitySleuth who searches out the locations of classic Hollywood films that featured the San Francisco Bay Area as their locale. The blogger has done a great job of finding the locations and creating Then and Now comparison photos. Makes you want to do the same with some modern films like 1997's The Game featuring Michael Douglas in some fantastic indoor and outdoor locations in San Francisco's Financial District.

Succulent Garden Blooming

2011-10-11T16:42:00.000-07:00

Despite having taken a nosedive off the balcony thanks to my neighbor's dog.

Being Concise and Direct

2011-10-10T14:37:00.001-07:00

As I move into Autumn of my Year of Balance, my intention is to be more concise and direct both in written and spoken communications. To do so, my I have redesigned the grading rubrics so that students are graded on professionalism. This requires me to be clear about what works and what can be improved in their projects. Sounds easy but it is more challenging than it sounds. Instead of quick grading notes like, "Great! Good work! Awesome!" I am offering more useful feedback such as, "Good job citing a specific example to support your conclusion" or "This sentence needs editing to clarify your point."

Part of my motivation for being clearer is that I find myself over-enthusiastically making supportive statements. "Wow!" "That's awesome!" How often should I be using awesome? What makes something awesome? Is that just the extrovert's easy-out? How about observing, processing and sharing a deeper thought?

As I am becoming more aware of my personal and professional interactions, I am finding that my pace of communication is becoming more controlled. Meaning, that I am allowing more space for others to complete their thought. East Coasters love to talk on top of each other. We're very comfortable layering the conversation. Out here on the West Coast, people stop and listen when you start talking. It has taken me years to become comfortable with this communications style. It is proving to be a better way to have meaningful, deep conversations instead of just creating noise and not hearing each other.

I want to present myself clearly and to have others hear what I have to say. To do so, I am learning, I need not always be the cheerleader, the quickest to respond, the loudest, or to finish other people's thoughts. What I need are thoughtful, well-chosen words.

This is a practice of introversion.

We Can't Help it, We're Friendly Folks

2011-10-08T17:40:00.001-07:00

During my post-Blue Angels journey back to the East Bay, by way of foot, Muni and BART, I've had some very interesting conversations with strangers. Clearly, I'm becoming more like my mom, who can make friends in two minutes. It is all about being open and having a good attitude.

First, there was the bus driver who was driving our grossly over-crowded bus up Van Ness. He was very stern and kept saying, "get back beyond the yellow line! I can't see and that means I can't go!" I was the last one on the bus and said, very sweetly, "maybe I should get off." To which he responded, "not you sweetheart. You're fine." At every stop he yelled at the new passengers but I kept my spot next to him and we continued to chit-chat about music, wooing your lady, and watching the Blue Angels.

A stop before I got off the bus a woman got on and the driver gave his same speech about moving back. She told him to f**k himself. The driver opened the doors and said, "you can leave." She got off the bus and kept yelling at him, saying he was rude. The driver had a good laugh over that. She just didn't understand him. I got it, he was performing his job, he was keeping us safe.

Later, I was waiting for BART and a woman sat down next to me and said how much she liked me shoes. We got into a conversation about shoes, shopping, her back surgery. All kinds of details.

Now, sitting on BART, this same woman is chatting it up with other passengers. There is a cute guy in his 20s and she told him he's good looking. All of us, seated in the surrounding five rows, had a good laugh. Poor guy blushed. It was all in good humor.

Last weekend I was at my cousin Ben's house for a brunch gathering. One of the guests, who recently relocated to Oakland from NYC, was telling me how people are suspiciously friendly here and that it made him very nervous. "What is it with people here?" He asked me, "Everyone is so nice."

We can't help it. We're friendly folks.

Blue Angels

2011-10-08T15:31:00.000-07:00

Fleet Week Sky Writing

2011-10-08T12:18:00.001-07:00

Goodbye Steve Jobs

2011-10-05T17:01:00.001-07:00

Rest in Peace. Your innovation and leadership have changed the world forever.

McDonald's or Vegan

2011-10-03T21:21:00.001-07:00

Yes, I am admitting that I am at the McDonald's drive thru after three hours of yoga. A homeless man approached me and asked that I would buy him some food. I offered him a package of my favorite vegan oat bars. He read the package, exclaimed, "vegan!?" and handed them back to me. They're healthy I said. "Then why are you getting McDonald's?" Good question.

My New Succulent Garden

2011-09-28T18:05:00.000-07:00

The "split rock" one just bloomed this evening. I wonder if ot blooms every night?

Sunol Water Temple

2011-09-28T13:37:00.000-07:00

I am taking an unfamiliar route back to Oakland and stumbled upon this temple that I first read about last year.

Succulent Gardens

2011-09-28T10:04:00.000-07:00

I finally made it to the Succulent Gardens in Castroville. Check out these vertical planters.

Self Portrait on the Beach

2011-09-28T08:39:00.000-07:00

I love how the waves almost got me in this shot.

Email from the Paramotor. Expert I Photographed Yesterday

2011-09-28T08:32:00.001-07:00

Hi Amy,
Thanks for the pictures, those are awesome! I appreciate you taking the time to send them. My name is Dell Schanze. I'm the current WPPGA paramotor world champion and the wing in the picture is the EOS which is the very latest technology. Its the only one in the country. Just in case you wanted any info if you were going to post about it. Fun stuff!! Let's go flying!!
Dell Schanze
U-Turn USA
guru@paramotorgear.comwww.u-turnusa.com

Hanglider's (or is it paragliding?) Website

2011-09-27T18:41:00.001-07:00

www.totallyawesome.com

Awesome shot!

2011-09-27T18:36:00.001-07:00

OK, I hit it.

Got it!

2011-09-27T18:34:00.001-07:00

Finally, he's in the frame!

Over My Head

2011-09-27T18:29:00.000-07:00

Totally missed him as he went about 6 inches over my head.

Here He Goes

2011-09-27T18:24:00.000-07:00

Paraglider Showing off for Me

2011-09-27T18:23:00.000-07:00

Monterey

2011-09-27T14:52:00.000-07:00

Now I'm really on vacation.

Amy Holiday

2011-09-27T12:45:00.000-07:00

Carmel-by-the-Sea

Belly Dancing Photos

2011-09-26T08:15:00.000-07:00

Here are some of the fun photos that Laura Turbow took at Rachel's Belly Dancing Birthday Party in August.

Thoughts on Recovering from Divorce

2011-09-24T19:49:00.000-07:00

Being married, even if you are in an unhealthy relationship, becomes familiar. Knowing your routine, and how your partner fits into your daily patterns, even if painfully, is reassuring. Going through divorce is a process of stepping out of this familiar dance and taking on new behaviors, choices and actions. This takes bravery.

As you are newly divorced and moving into the world of dating, there is a desire to step immediately into a committed relationship, one that provides the same familiarity of what marriage had to offer. This feels safe because you know the routine. However, I believe that you need time to really fall in love with yourself before you fall in love with someone new. New divorcees are often on a fall-in-love mission and will take whatever steps they can to make love happen.

It has taken me three years to recognize that no person is going to make my life safe, complete and satisfying. Yes, that is the ideal of love and no, I do not want to come across as a skeptic. But, defaulting into love is skipping over the most important steps of recovering from divorce; knowing, loving and accepting yourself.

Interacting with divorcees, I am now able to recognize the love-intention that I am sure I displayed immediately after being divorced. Divorcees are needy, and it makes sense. We gave up familiarity and we want reassurance and stability. The good news is that it can be found, within ourselves. Take the time to pamper yourself, recognize that you are gorgeous inside and out, and that you are worth your own love.

The Tao of Breathing

2011-09-22T05:53:00.000-07:00

I'm blissed. This sounds very California, but it is a feeling I experienced this morning, between wake and sleep. It was a deep, calm, warm, energy I felt at my body's center and I was weightless and bodiless. My breath was even and I was emotionless.

The book The Tao of Breathing by Dennis Lewis, is the assigned reading in the breathing awareness sessions I am taking with Gay White's as part of the Yoga Advanced Studies Program. Gay has us focusing on our natural breath and Lewis talks about the diaphragm being an emotional area of our body as we breath in and out. Now I understand the description.

Gay asked us to identify cues during the day that would be points when we pay attention to twelve breaths. It may seem easy to observe twelve ins-and-outs of your breath, but it is nearly impossible to not change your breath while you are observing. Yesterday I determined that every time my mind wandered to a painful subject, groping in my mind for affirmation of insecurities, I would practice the twelve breaths, not judging. If distracted from this practice, I would begin again. There were dozens of times during the day that I followed my cue.

Over the past few months I have been exploring the opportunity to pull energy from within myself, something that Extroverts derive externally. Now, this morning while I lay in bed, that practice filled me with calmness. I was passively observing my breath and letting it flow deep and radiate easily through my body. The feeling was absolutely like floating or flying as I was effortlessly and weightlessly just "being". Perhaps this is the path to my Year of Balance.